|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
thunder steps and rain
Contributed by
iodinelove
on
Friday, 6th August 2010 @ 10:38:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
Motionless hands write
Sky-bound stares
Broken concrete marks
That sound
Of thunder steps and rain
Crackling stains of love and…
Love implied
In brief reflection
(Nicotine stained)
The vague impression of
Fingers—the smell of coffee and
Cigarettes—hoarse cough buried underneath
The window sits motionless
Fidgeting hands
Twirl smoky ruins
Across fevered lips
Fingernails scratch names
In linoleum
Splinter ideas and smiles
Unopened dreams
Closed forever
Copyright ©
iodinelove
... [
2010-08-06 22:38:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 6th August 2010 @ 11:03:34 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| it paints a situation with short and effective words...God bless:-)venkat |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by cashfan1 on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 03:13:32 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Very well done. I'm sure many people will conect to this. Well expressed, thanks for sharing. |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by EdwardAdelin on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 04:39:37 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| As cashfan1 said I truly connect with your poem. Good work, Well done. |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 04:54:49 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
An excellent poem. You brilliantly conveyed the edginess and fidgety nature of someone trying to overcome an addiction. Bits that particularly caught my eye were:
'The vague impression of
Fingers—the smell of coffee and
Cigarettes—hoarse cough buried underneath'
Well broken up with the hyphens and line breaks, it really added to the jittery feel of the piece.
'The window sits motionless
Fidgeting hands
Twirl smoky ruins
Across fevered lips'
the star stanza of the poem for me. I especially liked the last two lines, terrific use of imagery there.
-Phil
|
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by mehuel on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 08:06:41 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| beautifully expressed, may ur strong will win. Amen... |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 09:49:11 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| im sure people will connect to this, great ! |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by ming on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 04:25:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I hope you hang in there...one of the hardest addiction to break. Love this line;
Fidgeting hands
Twirl smoky ruins
Across fevered lips
ming |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 7th August 2010 @ 07:37:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Well hello Abe,
I've been down that road but didn't quit and want try again until they come up with something that works.
I actually told a counselor that all the money goes to from the cigarette company that sh e couldn't help me quit. she got huffy with me and said I should try some other person, well I went off on her and told her how I really felt. I said You guys got all the money and I'm stuck with the addition. Then I hung up on her. No I never tried that again. My Dr. told me it's harder to get off cigarettes than it is morphed. Of course I took his word for it.
Any ways good luck.
smiles, blessings,
emy |
|
|
Re: thunder steps and rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by eastboyez on
Tuesday, 31st August 2010 @ 06:08:29 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| nicely written, hang in there |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
