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(I need help with a title) This is my first poem.
Contributed by
xxdropdeadxrawr
on
Monday, 26th April 2010 @ 01:30:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Tears drip down my face
Black tear drops stain my cheeks
Is there a way to escape this fate?
ive been waiting here for weeks, and weeks
I feel dead inside
All I ever wanted,
was to have a life.
A life where you are away,
away from me
Im sick of you
I want you to go away,
forever and ever
i hope you die someday
I know this is hard
But I have to say this
I have changed a lot
I hope you can understand this
I am your daughter
Well,
Technically not,
but still
You need to give me myspace
Im not a little girl anymore
I love you
but im sick of you
i hate you,
I honestly do.
But you are my so called "dad"
I don't know what the hell id do without you.
You say you trust me
but it doesnt seem like it.
If you only knew all of the things ive done,
youd probably say ***** it.
Im a slut,
im a whore,
Im sorry dad,
But you don't know me anymore
Im sick and tierd
all of the fighting,
arguning
It *****es me off
Just leave me alone,
before i say ***** off
All you do is worry
you need to stop
you need to trust me
before i leave off
Most days I feel like dying
other i dont
but someday youll see me dead.
By my bed coverd in blood,
hanging from the ceiling,
or even shot in the head
I hope I dont regret this,
Im sure I wont
Im sorry to say this,
But id be happier dead.
I cant wait untill your gone.
Or when im old enough.
I cant wait to be on my own,
away from you.
I wish God would take one of us soon.
(If you have any suggestions on making my writing better please share them with me)
Copyright ©
xxdropdeadxrawr
... [
2010-04-26 13:30:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: (I need help with a title) This is my first poem.
(User Rating: 1 )
by tjmontanagirl on
Monday, 26th April 2010 @ 01:42:44 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Other than the grammatical errors and a few things mis-spelled it looks good to me. lol not that I can say much because I'm not the best speller myself but :) i was trying to give constructive suggestions!
keep writing if it truly does help you get those negative feelings out. Thats what I use poetry for, that and just my love to write.
~Taylor |
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Re: (I need help with a title) This is my first poem.
(User Rating: 1 )
by BrokenHeart on
Monday, 26th April 2010 @ 02:21:59 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| WOW, extremely deep thoughts. From my point of view you both have to come together, how about COMPROMISE as a name for your poem |
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Re: (I need help with a title) This is my first poem.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tory on
Monday, 26th April 2010 @ 03:57:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think it was really put out there, so much feeling. I could feel your heartache and your pain, for a first timer you did really good. I think the title comprimise would be a good title for your poem, don,t worry my spelling and grammar is not that good either but some do understand, hope to read more, hay your emotions is your best writing tool. it helps me alot good job if I can help in anyway just yell, welcome Tory |
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Re: (I need help with a title) This is my first poem.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Urizen on
Monday, 26th April 2010 @ 04:33:59 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| What a first poem! In my opinion a title is important but its not everything, call it anything you want. The poem is full of passion and is a fantastic read. All I would say is keep writing and don't throw anything away, it's all valid. Keep writing whatever you do. |
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