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Old Fears Laid To Rest
Contributed by
aliopterix
on
Sunday, 11th April 2010 @ 04:00:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
spiritual
|
Old Fears Laid To Rest
It was rather unnerving to see my father before me.
From my vantage point in bed I felt vulnerable and confused.
This had to be a dream but everything was sensate
And so I continued to stare at my father, bemused.
The pregnant pause seemed to last a lifetime but was barely a minute.
His voice was so deep that it was almost like thunder,
The room reverberating and echoing his words.
I knew I had one chance, to lay things asunder.
You have nothing to apologise for, it was all my own choice.
He spoke of his death for which I felt responsibility, blame.
I wanted to go, I was so tired and very alone.
You have never let me down; there is no need for shame.
The words caused cold sweat to roll down my spine.
He knew all the questions I had held in my mind.
I tried to speak but nothing would come out
I just closed my eyes and sought more questions to find.
Your sister died of a terrible disease not neglect,
You did all you could but it was not meant to be.
She doesn’t blame you and neither do we,
What we all want now is that you should be free.
He had mentioned we and I thought of my mother
The last time I’d seen her was such a scene of horror
Lying in that hospital bed waiting to die
And those all around her seeming not to bother.
She went in the way that she chose to my son,
You think you could stop her but she was my wife
And it was me that forced her to drink for release.
It was her way of peacefully ending her life.
She died in such pain and horrible agony
The alcohol causing the fatal cirrhosis
A more painful death I could not imagine.
I hated him more for his flawed diagnosis.
I know it was my fault that forced you away;
One sister to marry, the other to move house
While you went to college which was your way to get out.
This ultimately caused me the loss of my spouse.
She never forgave me for lack of emotion,
But it was such a foreign thing, alien to me
I’d never experienced it in my own family life,
So now understand this and let yourself free.
I still had not spoken; he had known what I wanted.
The questions, the answers I wanted to hear.
Just staring at his image it started to shimmer
And without a sound it began to disappear.
Alone in the room I was covered in sweat
The cold damp of fear but not any guilt
Real or not my father had continued to expand
And develop my therapy upon the way it was built.
Alistair Muir
11/04/2010
Copyright ©
aliopterix
... [
2010-04-11 04:00:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Old Fears Laid To Rest
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Sunday, 11th April 2010 @ 05:01:37 AM AEST
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Although surreal, this poem has immense depth and weight of reality within it.
I found myself creating the faces of this family in my head, walking in their footsteps for that moment.
This is an incredible write Al, and an exceptional exercise that clearly has great positivity and spiritual release for you...... Wonderful Al x
Star x x x |
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Re: Old Fears Laid To Rest
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 11th April 2010 @ 09:18:05 AM AEST
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Al, although I know this is cathartic, there is so much pain and anguish wound around the words. I don't think there's a one of us that doesn't look back on our childhood with a certain amount of bitterness and regret. It is important to understand the hold it has on present day and to master the skill it takes to let that go. Even void of forgiveness the heart can still move past it without regression. Releasing the guilt and anger are a perfect way to begin and this write seems to have done just that. Well written, my friend. Hope is another way to build on tomorrow. Chin up! ^_^
*smiles*
Seléne ~
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Re: Old Fears Laid To Rest
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chamaron on
Sunday, 11th April 2010 @ 10:19:34 AM AEST
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Intense. It seems plenty of guilt still lingers on you, but I think you know what it takes to relieve it. It's not easy, letting go - but we can't survive carrying our burdens on our shoulders. There comes a certain weight we cannot hold anymore, cannot even bear to stand with it on our backs.
People walk around with pictures, memories of smiles, anything of good remembrance so they can slough off what is only necessary for so long as it has made an imprint on your life - imprint, not a crater.
Keep going. I can tell this sort of confessional poetry is hard to write, but it feels good to be able to say it. Great job and thanks for sharing. |
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