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Soaring on Restless Wings
Contributed by
steffygoesrawr13
on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 04:57:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
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The curve of lips pink with flavor, tasting of a thousand messages
Small, even chin carrying an even smaller pair of lips
Like the weight of a lifetime’s emotions
Cheeks full of laughter, rosy with bliss
Laugh lines edged in hidden crevices, holding life’s memories within its deepest depths
Nose; the face’s center; full, vast and powerful, the mix of two ethnicities
Pierced with the stud of free expression, teen age year’s rebellion
Eyes fearing deception, colored with the hopes and dreams of childhood
Hair dyed wild, straightened and edgy; a tangled mess of seaweed drifting into shore
Framing my face like a story waiting to be told
As a new day’s rhythm begins to find its beat, like the “tat, tat, tat” of a dancer’s restless feet
I stare at the reflection looking back at me, curious as a bird that spread’s its wings
Whether the image staring into me is good enough for the world to see
Each day I leap into the sky, letting the thoughts of others carry me by and by
Altering for perfection to find in myself, the aspect of beauty; the figment of allure
The image of acceptance, what can or can not be; this image that I cannot find in me
Copyright ©
steffygoesrawr13
... [
2010-04-05 16:57:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 05:50:40 PM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC. :)
There are some well defined and beautiful descriptions in this. It was wonderfully delightful to read. The last line is a killer ... I'm sure most can relate. You have an exquisite way with the written word. Am looking forward to reading more.
Seléne ~
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 06:30:41 PM AEST
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Yeah, welcome to YPDC.
I feel honored that your already familiar with my work. Thank you so much.
This is great writing just write, write, write.
keep up the good work and again thanks for the honor you bestowed on me.
Huggs, blessings, smiles,
emy |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadwriter on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 06:57:44 PM AEST
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Steffy,
You definately RAWR with your write. Welcome to YPDC. You write with an unclouded vision. Wonderful job. Very descriptive picture of the you that you see. There is contained within you a special person who is shining through in your words.
Keep up the great work.
Deadwriter
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by lesoleilnoire on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 06:58:52 PM AEST
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I love how this poem seems to have fantasical images in it and yet be truly about the reality of a teen wanting acceptance. I could visualize every line. Amazingly penned.
Heidi |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 07:11:19 PM AEST
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You know, I'm fairly certain that if we were all
to be honest, we'd have to admit that we all
have had conversations like this with ourselves.
This is a very honest and introspective piece. I
really adored the last stanza, though that's not
to say that the others are lacking in any way.
I feel like...well...a picture is worth a thousand
words, they say, and you've given us one here
with flair and style.
Congratulations on a job well done and
I welcome you wholeheartedly to YPDC!
I'll look forward to reading more of you.
Be well,
~Loende |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 07:14:17 PM AEST
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A very enchanting write that captivates from your words. Each line is intriguing that grasps you making you wonder what is to follow. I hope to read more of your work in the future. Great write.
take care
duff |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by northernlights on
Monday, 5th April 2010 @ 11:43:25 PM AEST
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| Nose the face's center,full,vast and powerful the mix of two ethnicities,self evaluation and exploration of the journey from your roots to now the outward appearance of free self expression,people's thoughts sending you in this direction or that but your essential journey to find complete self acceptance, a strong image with the daily battle of perfectionism rendering complete self acceptance elusive. Warm, expressive soul searching write look forward to more |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Tuesday, 6th April 2010 @ 06:50:10 AM AEST
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Your artistic talent for the muse here is so crystal in it's brilliance.....
The descriptiveness you richly display, leads the mouth to salivate as it tastes each word,
which then lingers on for the palate to peruse. A real feast for the eyes this was indeed!! A very warm welcome to you x
Star x x x |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 6th April 2010 @ 02:03:24 PM AEST
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I like it and you have a very good knack for descriptive power. The first stanza sort of confused me because I thought you were writing about an older person but I figured out that was not the case by the second stanza.
I am also thrilled to see that there is not a laziness that I often see in the "younger generation's" poetry with nonuse of the apostrophe. The apostrophe is our friend and so is spelling. But especially the apostrophe, it can make a big difference in correct usage of words. Thank you for taking pride in your work.
I just hope you never let your text message tendencies filter into your poetry. Keep up the great work!
I like the message...the battle within one's self to be accepted. However, my message to this person is screw them all and be yourself because you will always find someone to accept you.
 to YPDC.
Tim
(who does not follow "the crowd")
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 6th April 2010 @ 02:37:24 PM AEST
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It does feel a bit weird leaving feedback on a poem on here, considering that I haven't done so in so long. But hey, you sent me a message and you're American (judging by how you've spelled certain words); so I thought I'd at least give it a go.
My immediate thought is that you've got a lot of potential. When I first came on here, my poetry sucked. It took me about 6 months on here to write as well as you have here. There is little dependence on rhyme, there is some nice metaphor construction and some good imagery too. This bit was probably my favourite:
'Altering for perfection to find in myself, the aspect of beauty; the figment of allure'
As for negatives? Well I think there is room for improvement in the flow of your poetry. But it took me ages to get that right myself, and I still even have problems with it now.
But focus on the positives. You've got talent and potential, and that's a great foundation to build on.
Best wishes,
Phil
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Tuesday, 6th April 2010 @ 08:32:01 PM AEST
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Very descriptive and I like the off Beat flow
well done
and
welcome to ypdc. |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by SunshineBananas17 on
Wednesday, 7th April 2010 @ 09:57:17 PM AEST
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I really like this! I love your use of description. It really paints a picture(:
Katie K. |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keykey on
Tuesday, 20th April 2010 @ 09:00:09 PM AEST
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| I always wanted to write a poem like this. So beautiful and descriptive. It's fantastic! |
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Re: Soaring on Restless Wings
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 3rd May 2010 @ 11:20:31 AM AEST
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beautifully written,
hugs n' love nessa |
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