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Stuck
Contributed by
npaciello
on
Friday, 12th March 2010 @ 01:22:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
I just want to run
as far away as I can
it could be fun-
cause i just don't give a damn
Im stuck behind this wall
it's actually more like a shell
and yet I can't stop thinking...
is this hell?
Copyright ©
npaciello
... [
2010-03-12 13:22:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stuck
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th March 2010 @ 02:01:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very thought provoking and I think relatable by most people. Sometimes we wear the chains we ourselves create. But breaking free is a difficult task, to say the least. I love the second stanza.
Seléne ~
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Re: Stuck
(User Rating: 1 )
by pumpkinsushi16 on
Friday, 12th March 2010 @ 07:01:24 PM AEST
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| get rid of the word yet and I like it |
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Re: Stuck
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Friday, 12th March 2010 @ 09:00:12 PM AEST
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Maybe if that second to last line was a tad shorter... consider removing "and" or "yet." I think it would give that last line quite a bit more punch to it.
Aside from that minor consideration, I like the idea. In fact, I sometimes feel the same way. It gets to the point where it's so messed up that I just don't, or can't, care anymore. Perhaps this is a living hell then?
Yet I can't stop thinking...
Good... good! |
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