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Be Mine O Grief
Contributed by
harsh
on
Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 09:45:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Be mine O grief because I tell you so,
Stay with me forever don’t go
Be mine O grief as I am alone
Where I‘ve to go don’t know
The skin has started to feel so numb
The hands have started to shake
The wiggling toes are hard to feel
The hopes are beginning to break
The tongue has always a bitterly taste
As though the air is damp
I walk round and round in haste
The fingers are sour and clamp
Pain has now a caressing touch
It always is along
So be mine O grief I beg of you
As I am singing you this song
Copyright ©
harsh
... [
2010-03-10 21:45:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Be Mine O Grief
(User Rating: 1 )
by Inchiostro on
Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:11:10 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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okay i really like your rhythm here its vary catchy, i have a few little issues, but over all its great.
First stanza last line Was there supposed to be an "I"?? Where I‘ve to go "I" don’t know
Third stanza first line "The tongue has always a bitterly taste" was it supposed to be bitterly? or Bitter??
Other then those two things, which are probably my inability to appreciate your creative license, it is Great!!
Be mine O grief because I tell you so,
Stay with me forever don’t go
Be mine O grief as I am alone
Where I've to go don’t know
The skin has started to feel so numb
The hands have started to shake
The wiggling toes are hard to feel
The hopes are beginning to break
The tongue has always a bitterly taste
As though the air is damp
I walk round and round in haste
The fingers are sour and clamp
Pain has now a caressing touch
It always is along
So be mine O grief I beg of you
As I am singing you this song
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Re: Be Mine O Grief
(User Rating: 1 )
by northernlights on
Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:28:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Suffering both physically and mentally,and the desperation of claiming grief as a friend in order to have something to cling on to, a sensitive write with the most powerful poignant line being.......Be mine O grief as I am alone. enjoyed reading your first write look forward to reading more |
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Re: Be Mine O Grief
(User Rating: 1 )
by fadingaway on
Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:30:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great for a first write.
Cant wait to read more. |
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Re: Be Mine O Grief
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fuzzy on
Thursday, 11th March 2010 @ 07:17:00 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
very nice write, very well written.
Take care
Fuzzy |
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