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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 16:57:21 AEST

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MOM

Contributed by countrygurl133 on Friday, 5th February 2010 @ 08:47:58 AM in AEST
Topic: FamilyPoems

YOU WERE NEVER THERE
WHEN WE NEEDE YOU
YOU NEVER CARED
WHEN YOU NEEDED TOO

NO MATTER ALL THE TIMES THAT GO BY
CARING WASN'T AN OPTION
BECAUSE YOU NEVER TRIED

AFTER ALL THE
BREAKING-UP
APPARENTLY THERE WAS NO
MAKING-UP

YOU SAY EVERYTHING
WILL BE OKAY
BUT NO MATTER WHAT
WE ALWAYS HAD TO OBEY

WHEN YOU SAID YOU
HAD NO LIFE
ALL I COULD THINK
ABOUT IS "WHY"

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE ALL
THE PAIN WERE GOING THROUGH
BECAUSE YOU NEVER
EVEN REALLY KNEW

MAYBE THE PAST
WILL NEVER BE GONE
BUT WE HAVE TO LET
IT GO AND MOVE ON

Copyright © countrygurl133 ... [ 2010-02-05 08:47:58]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: MOM (User Rating: 1 )
by zedwards on Friday, 5th February 2010 @ 11:58:47 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You have a lot of raw emotion in this poem and it flows well. It can be developed a lot more if you use symbols and prose to get your point across without actually saying it. For example: There is an empty bleacher where you should be, another date in your life instead of dinner with me. More details and objects will help add to the emotions in the poem and give the reader visuals and images in their brains. It's a great start, but more details will make it a much greater poem

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Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

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