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Doll
Contributed by
Butterflygirl40
on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 06:22:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I used to have this doll
When I was little.
my brother had a baseball.
MY doll would crawl.
I used to throw it against the wall.
Watch it take a fall.
It was small and sometimes look tall.
All the people in the neighborhood
Thought I was crazy for throwing my doll across the wall.
They would call.
one man named paul would say lets take a haul.
There was even rainfall when I would throw my doll across the wall.
Copyright ©
Butterflygirl40
... [
2010-01-30 06:22:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Doll
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 07:50:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hi
If I was that doll
hitting that wall
I'd cry ''Sod em all!''
and then go AWOL!
I mean - a doll's got rights, you know!
Nice one.
Tommy
Tommy
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Re: Doll
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 06:14:25 PM AEST
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Nice, but in my opinion the rhyme seems forced to some extent. This happens when meaning is sacrificed in order to allow for a rhyme.
Then again, it is in a way intrinsic (at least made so) of your subject matter.
Not bad at all. =) |
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