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A perfect affair
Contributed by
mila
on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 05:36:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
SecretLove
|
An affair that can’t be forgotten-so good & yet bitter, with very strong attractions-we meet in secret for so short-our eyes lock with passion & heat-we kiss & grab, we touch & wisper-we breath heavily & get excicted to see each other-we connect & please one another joyfully-you are so amazing & hot for me-you’r my affair that I will always remember-so special & kind that descibes you-my secret affair.
Copyright ©
mila
... [
2010-01-30 05:36:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A perfect affair
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 07:56:40 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Hi,
Well I won't tell anyone if you don't!
Apart from the way you structured this poem,
ampersands and so on, I really enjoyed it.
Well said.
Tommy
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Re: A perfect affair
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Saturday, 30th January 2010 @ 06:17:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I would replace the "&" with an actual "and." It seems to get in the way of the experience of the poem.
The structure, while unusual can be most fitting for this subject matter. Everything seems to rush along, like young love.
Pretty good. |
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