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Living a Lie
Contributed by
jecox
on
Saturday, 16th January 2010 @ 02:08:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
I wake myself each day.
Breakfast served right away.
Go about life like any other.
Continue one after another.
But this is not me.
This is just a dream.
My life is empty,
A hollowed theme.
My family is wrong.
My hatred is strong.
My respect is dissolved.
Problems are unresolved.
My father took trust away.
My mother accommodates.
I hate them both so much.
My sanity awaits.
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Copyright ©
jecox
... [
2010-01-16 14:08:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Living a Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Saturday, 16th January 2010 @ 02:38:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Hi! I'd like to say I think this is really good! You put your point across very well.
I see where you're coming from with the flow, the first and last verse have a very different
tempo, which changes the reader's style slightly.....
Having said that, I still really like it!
Star x x x |
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Re: Living a Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by AngelFox on
Saturday, 16th January 2010 @ 10:18:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Its not about flows. It's about how you felt at that particular time. And being able to express it to us in a way that we can understand and sometimes relate to our own present and past situations. I sure did. And I surely enjoyed your work. |
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