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CHANGE must come
Contributed by
longhaircg
on
Sunday, 10th January 2010 @ 09:46:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
All this guilt I have to release the ones I hurt no longer can defeat,
I have to review my true intent, love with all my soul and find me.
i know the ones i loved in vain these are the ones that has caused this pain
so as I go I seek for truth, my love is worthy for truth be returned
this time I will not burn, to myself I love must be first then i will no longer thirst
to give it away to unworthy pray, So this day i make my plans let go of false
faces of love and pray that not look back only forward I can leap
God grant me apeaceful sleep, and when i awake to a new day
grant me sight to guide my way.
Copyright ©
longhaircg
... [
2010-01-10 09:46:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: CHANGE must come
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fuzzy on
Sunday, 10th January 2010 @ 11:59:40 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I truly like this poem, well written
Take care
Fuzzy
I seek for truth, my love is worthy for truth be returned
this time I will not burn, |
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Re: CHANGE must come
(User Rating: 1 )
by heartstrings_unwound on
Sunday, 10th January 2010 @ 01:03:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Concept: 8/10
Your theme is generic, vague, and as overdone as the Kardashian's during Spring Break. However, our existence as human beings is in part defined by our shared emotional heritage, and your interpretation is of this common burden is most welcome.
Presentation: 8/10
Your rather long, winding lines are intriguing. Adversely, your rhyme scheme lacks clarity.
Grammar: 6.5/10
Some additional punctuation would dramatically improve this piece. Where one thought ends and another begins is anyone's guess.
Style: 7/10
Minus the technical issues mentioned above, your writing style could become very interesting with more practice.
Overall: 7.5/10
I liked your poem. However, I disliked the many technical errors that came bundled with it. |
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Re: CHANGE must come
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 11th January 2010 @ 09:37:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Self struggle in its purest form. Soul searching is a good step forward. Your author's note is an undeniable truth. We have a power that most of us do not know. Realizing it, sort of releases it. Good luck and take care.
Seléne ~ |
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