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I think you're bionic.
Contributed by
drapes
on
Saturday, 2nd January 2010 @ 01:57:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
It's Christmas eve and I'm making shapes with my breath
Like you did in the dead of summer.
You're miles away, across the tracks,
But we taste the same fire tonight
Through a secret path suspended in mind.
And we're spitting flames so hard it's hot to the touch.
I can't catch your gaze...ing eyes have so much held back, she said.
She takes your breath, she steals my words.
We're lurking in fog and your voice starts to slur.
I want you in my lungs
And everwhere in between,
Your aftertaste and the stand on my hands...
They can arrest my every dream
Or I can dream of sober smiles.
Trace the veins gripping my eyes
And convict me of falling into deceit.
I never thought I'd dance with the devil,
But now you're in my dreams and
We can't wake up and fall apart.
And we can't hold fire without getting scarred.
I'm tasting dirty flames
And you look appealingly cashed.
I can't run on empty without a wish
But my fuel is out and my heart is scorched.
I now have nothing but black lungs as my consolation prize,
And your lying grin melted into my memory,
Burned onto my eyes.
Copyright ©
drapes
... [
2010-01-02 13:57:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I think you're bionic.
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Saturday, 2nd January 2010 @ 02:32:15 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is cleverly written, the perfect 'double entendre'!
I like the underlying darkness and exposure you have displayed in this poem....
now thumping down hard on the very chest that was so open to inclusion at the very start.
Nice work!
Star x x x |
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Re: I think you're bionic.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 3rd January 2010 @ 08:09:14 AM AEST
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I love this line .. "we taste the same fire tonight ". whole emotion is trembling inside that line. It sets your reader up for a powerfully passionate experience, only to break them apart with the conclusion. It is a melancholy and an excruciating pain that tears the heart in two. I think that what makes this so incredibly powerful is its resolute ability to appeal to so many. There are very few who have not been touched by passion--both the positive and negative of it. Reaching people, moving the heart and soul, poetry that drips with emotion -- these are the makings of grand works. Thank you for this. It is a true gem.
Seléne ~
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