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.. ValeNTiNe'S DaY DusK ..
Contributed by
RuMPleStiLTSkiN
on
Thursday, 31st December 2009 @ 12:52:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
The story i used to tell .. memories that rang my bell ..
used to like the way you talk, and the way you smell ..
Characters of our story that i just wanna kill ..
the very heat of our love .. is now the fire on the stove ..
eating our pictures that i've put above ..
put our song on the radio and drove .. the car to the cliff ..
got rid of that silly song .. didn't wait for much long ..
till i listened to our love say his last words ..
in a valentines day dusk ..
perfect timing .. now buried him in the dust ..
with a dozen of red roses .. rest in pieces ..
suddenly i hear a noise .. must be that white horse that i don't trust ..
hunt him down and slaughter him i must ..
i find my way through the darkness .. not darker than my heart i guess ..
grab Cupid's dart that i've been shot with ..
i spot the horse .. aimed at his heart .. let go of the dart ..
down falls the horse .. and i start to show remorse ..
for what i did ..
"you are wrong" he said ..
" i've waited for too long to tell you this .. as i'm to die ..
you were supposed to take revenge from the one who lied ..
Who cheated on you .. who never really been by your side " ..
he was right .. it took me awhile to get it right ..
but it took me no time on this letter i write ..
to you ..
just to tell you beware .. i might ..
be the man in the mask .. hunting you down, in a valentine's day dusk ...
Copyright ©
RuMPleStiLTSkiN
... [
2009-12-31 00:52:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: .. ValeNTiNe'S DaY DusK ..
(User Rating: 1 )
by RuMPleStiLTSkiN on
Thursday, 31st December 2009 @ 01:00:39 AM AEST
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i Know it's a tall one .. sry for that
and i know that the idea of the horse talking to me is just weird .. but this is how i first wrote it it and i'm still working on it ..
just tell me what u think and feel free to criticize .. |
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Re: .. ValeNTiNe'S DaY DusK ..
(User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on
Thursday, 31st December 2009 @ 04:36:57 AM AEST
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I wouldn't change a single thing about it x
The idea of the horse talking to you, is actually quite comforting
in a peculiar sort of way, if only i could explain that better!
This is a good piece of writing, though sad, I enjoyed it immensly x
Star x x x |
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Re: .. ValeNTiNe'S DaY DusK ..
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 31st December 2009 @ 09:54:00 PM AEST
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Hey. It seems more dark than sad to me, especially those last two lines. s c a r y . The pain of lost love is never easy and is even harder to overcome when the one we've trusted to safeguard our heart squishes it into oblivion. Selfish people can be cruel. I learned that the hard way. The talking horse isn't weird at all ... we shouldn't try too hard to analyze our poetry. It takes all the pleasure out of it.
Seléne ~ |
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