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Story of a Girl

Contributed by ChaosFactor on Wednesday, 30th December 2009 @ 10:06:18 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

She thinks of words and she thinks of sights,
And she tries to think of something that would make everything all right.
She knows no matter what that she can’t leave,
Though she would in spite of the pain.
She just sometimes wishes she could walk away,
And just once have the courage to say
That it was too much to bear and that this might be a mistake.
But hurting him is more than she can take.
So she tries to quiet her cries
And pretend once more that everything’s fine,
And that the hurt she feels will fade away,
Regardless of her doubts and fears.
The thoughts of blood and dreams of pain
Haunt and follow her through every day.
She can no longer remember what it’s like to breathe
Or to eat without thinking anything.
A million contradictions are all that she sees:
Being needed and not feeling a thing.
She wonders sometimes about an end to the pain,
An eternal sleep, quiet and deep;
And if she would have that selfish strength.
But she’s still here so there must be a reason,
Even if she doesn’t see it yet.
All she wants is to help him;
She wonders if he knows he’s all she sees.
She wishes she was stronger; she wishes she didn’t care.
She wishes she could let go of her pain and despair.
He’s more than oxygen; he’s her drug,
And always, always there’s never enough.
A smile from him is all it takes
To take every bit of her breath away.
Yet she is guilty; she isn’t allowed to hurt.
The lowest of low, the scum of the earth
Would be better suited for this reward than her.
For with every word, every move, she betrays her love,
Her best friend: the one who is owed every breath.
So understanding, yet there’s pain in her voice.
Never again, never again.
She refuses to let the pain be her fault.
She wrecks everything, but no one ever sees
How life would be much better if she could just succeed.
Yet still a word from him and all thoughts are gone,
Forbidden and dead.
Though the blood still calls, and the needles seem to sing,
And she wishes she could just give in and drink.
His opinion is more, but still she fears.
What happens when things change;
What happens when she’s here?

Copyright Â© ChaosFactor ... [ 2009-12-30 10:06:18]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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