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The gun
Contributed by
beehappy
on
Friday, 4th December 2009 @ 08:29:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
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The gun
Oh my
Why
Why
Why
Did it shoot
I didn’t hit him on the boot
No, it hit him here
It hit him there
But it hit me everywhere
Copyright ©
beehappy
... [
2009-12-04 20:29:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The gun
(User Rating: 1 ) by Aspirant on
Friday, 4th December 2009 @ 11:52:04 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I think it's too simple and doesn't seem to say all that much to me. Since you wanted feedback... Maybe what you are trying to express is not coming through.
By the way, i think in line 7 there's a typo where you meant "it didn't hit him on the boot." |
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