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The Sniper
Contributed by
ravi
on
Tuesday, 1st April 2003 @ 10:32:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
As darkness enveloped the god forsaken charred degenerated meadow,
the slippery professional sniper adjusted his silvery sights,
onto a lingering cringing shadow.
The day till now seemed heartless and cruel,
like a cumbersome lead laden cart,
the target had been a bit too smart.
Crawling steadily along the trecherous wobbly terrain,
a million thoughts rammed merrily his throbbing brain.
His gun burning into a scalding hot kettle,
this will be his glorious moment,
to prove his impregnable mettle.
Brushing aside the pains of many a lecherous leach,
the enemy is tricked at last,
within his deadly unrelenting reach.
An authoritative roar shattered the pregnant ,uneasy silence,
the war at last lost it's poisonous essence.
Turning the hapless limp body,
with an intoxicating,victorious swagger,
he saw the face of his own brother.
Copyright ©
ravi
... [
2003-04-01 22:32:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Sniper
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 4th April 2003 @ 12:06:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is timely write.. a good effort .. and it is a very good poem.. Dear Ravi, I read all your privious postings which are based on Bombay life. they are very good with social consciousness.. if you have time you can try to read my poems also.. you may be knowing what your indian friend is doing on this site. venkat, hyd |
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Re: The Sniper
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 28th April 2003 @ 11:56:54 PM AEST
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| I think that you probably could use more adjectives in this poem, but I don't know how. I would normally say just sacrifice any shred of sense that your poem contains, but this gobbaly gook is so messed up, I think that it's too late. |
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