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I wish upon a star so bright
Contributed by
Live2Die
on
Saturday, 17th October 2009 @ 03:29:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
At night my tennis shoes would slap along the
sidewalk, always falling to a stop to pick the
white fluff of dandelions to be—I would take a
great gulp of air and
blow with all my childhood might and then
I would close my eyes and wish for
all the things I thought would make you
happy—a handsome man to appear on the
doorstep, or a treasure
chest—and then I would smile and look
up into the dark sky where stars were
only just beginning to
appear, and I would pick the
first one that caught my eye and whisper
the same wish as
before.
Copyright ©
Live2Die
... [
2009-10-17 15:29:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I wish upon a star so bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadwriter on
Saturday, 17th October 2009 @ 06:05:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is very good. Simple, kind acts that are so powerful.
Looking forward to more.
Deadwriter
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Re: I wish upon a star so bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 17th October 2009 @ 07:44:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very creative write.
smiles, blessings,
emy |
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Re: I wish upon a star so bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Saturday, 17th October 2009 @ 09:31:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I can't seem to find a reason why you chose to break up your lines the way you did. It appears as if it could be written as only a sentence or two, but that's not a bad thing, just notable (I do that often). It's an interesting work, good -- not bad at all. |
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