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just hope

Contributed by southwell on Thursday, 15th October 2009 @ 05:59:37 PM in AEST
Topic: drugabuse

change is in need
someone shine it on me
hell is cold and painful
but it's the warmest place I've been
sick in my own comfort
love will always prevail
so help me unveil a mask of nails
I'm so lonely without you
I can't make it with you
is there a song in this bottle
let me belong

Copyright © southwell ... [ 2009-10-15 17:59:37]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: just hope (User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on Thursday, 15th October 2009 @ 09:16:17 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I've gotta say, the line about hell being the warmest place was really good. I think you could've made this poem longer. A lot of the lines, the ideas and emotions seem forced together, like you were just trying to get everything out. Now, that's not bad at all, but sometimes it's good to go over what you've written, and see if you can figure out more about yourself and your struggles and frustrations, by seeing if you have more to say on any of that.
I did really like it though, it was fll of feeling and emotion, it touches the heart, like poetry should.
Take care,
David

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