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My Life's Reason
Contributed by
wood
on
Monday, 5th October 2009 @ 04:43:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
How do I feel
I dont know
I dont know myself
15.8 years of lies.
I need this
This is my life
And ive wasted it all
contemplating the next move
needing to open my eyes
to the real world
but what is real?
Sex, money, death, and lies?
I dont need that *****
What do i need
What I want
What do i want
I dont know
I dont know myself
15.8 years of handouts
The easy road
I rode it
Im still on it
Hop off
Go through hell to get to it
"It"
Where do you find "it"
Ill never know if i dont try
Try it out
Nothing to lose
Everything to gain
Necessity
I want that
"It"
A part of something
A purpose.
Belong
Me
Will I ever get there
Not unless I hop off........
Copyright ©
wood
... [
2009-10-05 16:43:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Life's Reason
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th October 2009 @ 06:11:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Well, as I said in my PM, I am no expert and have no formal training. So as for the poem itself, the ponderings within, I say good job. I like that. The questioning of life, your life, life in general, etc.
However, I did very well in English back in the day and I am really big on the proper use of it. Slang is cool. I use it every day myself and have used it in my own poems and I accept its intentional usage thereof. But I am big on capitalization of "I". That was inconsistent in this write. As I have said to others, that is merely a personal preference. I have been called on that on an occasion or two, but still, it is my preference and my belief is that i is a letter and I is a pronoun.
Also, again, only in my opinion of course, misspellings and the misuse of contractions makes the poem harder to read. You have to stop constantly to try and figure out what the person means so it breaks the whole flow...if someone can get that flow.
So, using Ill instead of I'll, to me, breaks up the rhythm. ill is a word, I'll is a contraction of I will. Dont is not a word, don't is a contraction of do not. See where I'm coming from? I cant do that would be like saying "I slant or tilt do that? It's going to be like either misusing a proper word or misusing a contraction.
Also, personally, again, if you have to block out a word because it may be deemed unacceptable in the free sections of the site, then I don't use it. Again, it breaks the flow and again, personal to me. Not with this poem but I have found myself in the past, stopping to think, what word is that?
Lastly, if you cannot figure out the proper use of a contraction, or spelling of a word, use a spell check or have someone spell check it for you. However, I will let you know, that spell check often doesn't check for grammar IE their/there/they're bare/bear and if you use the spell check on the site (request spell check by moderators) obvious spelling errors are not checked or caught by all mods (this is the cold hard facts and not intended to hurt anyone's feelings...it's just an unfortunate truth). Also, there are times the moderators have absolutely no idea what the poet is talking about. Again, an unfortunate truth and not intended for this specific poem. I just think that if you are going to have someone spell check it or use a spell checker, I do not suggest choosing "yes" for spell check. That is not reliable.
I would be happy to check it for you before you post if you send me a PM, but I absolutely do not promise a turn around time.
Other than that, deep thoughts. Pretty good and keep it up. You can only get better.
Thanks,
Tim
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