|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
celebrate
Contributed by
elle
on
Friday, 25th September 2009 @ 06:10:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
I was broken when you found me. . .
I write
I write to free myself
from the earthly. . .
(sack of seed)
& blind
I seek the seers' (sight)
cloud searching
& so I write. . .
I breath
in. . . exhale. . .
the shouldered burdening
(first & last)
I shudder (then)
I bleed
the heart
content with deepest. . .
(crimson, spatial. . . faltering)
I need
concede
that therefore I am. . .
because I need
I celebrate
the skin, that forms
that special face of affection
I am
because
I can be
broken. . .
when you found me. . .
Copyright ©
elle
... [
2009-09-25 18:10:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th September 2009 @ 06:27:27 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
elle, what divine writing! I am in love with this, though I'm not sure
I can articulate exactly why. There is a vulnerability in here that is
protected by the fullness of conviction. And it just breathes life
into your reader. It makes them want to grab this piece and possess
it.
Richly delightful, hun.
~ Breezy
|
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by ming on
Friday, 25th September 2009 @ 07:01:09 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I could not have said it any better than Breezy did. I applaud you... |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 25th September 2009 @ 08:01:02 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
elle,
a powerful (personal) statement as to what defines a person and motivates those dendritic actions, that in and of themselves don't always show clear purpose in their branching. And a lilting staccato rhythm wrapped in silk was the jam on the toast this morning.
I do because I need,
I Am because I bleed.
outstanding.
Spike |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th September 2009 @ 08:22:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is so powerful in its brevity. Each line thrusts itself forward to be examined, demanding its place in the forefront of thought.
And the many ideas portrayed here are like so many facets on a jewel, brilliantly, exquisitely displayed.
One small suggestion I'd make, though, if I may. Lose the ampersands. The aren't needed, and the read would be that much stronger without them.
In the case of the last one, substitute with a comma "(first, last)" and read it to yourself. I think you'll appreciate the result.
Another fabulous write, Elle. |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 26th September 2009 @ 01:00:51 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| It can be quite the release, can it not? And how you oh so do it with excellence!!!! |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Saturday, 26th September 2009 @ 02:03:02 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hi Elle,
What else can I say that hasn't already been
said? Vulnerability, resignation, and resilience -
it's all there. A beautiful piece of writing!
Tommy
|
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Capian on
Saturday, 26th September 2009 @ 07:04:20 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| what a beautiful piece. you are an amazing writer, just really amazing. Loved every word - "I am because I can be broken" beautiful. |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyRose on
Sunday, 27th September 2009 @ 09:55:59 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| wow........I read this in oar......one day when I grow up I want to write just as good as you do..........or I want to at least die trying........ |
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by hetlerkh on
Monday, 28th September 2009 @ 06:53:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
u expressed me !
i mean thats why i write too
and whats inside of me
i just need u to get it out
plz plz keep it up
|
|
|
Re: celebrate
(User Rating: 1 )
by one-curly-fry on
Wednesday, 30th September 2009 @ 02:51:20 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is a beautiful piece Elle!.. raw and honest.. I especially like the last few stanzas - you're very good at pulling the piece together.
I really like the warmth you create in the stanza starting with "I celebrate..."
Another great write
Tim |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
