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Gentle Torture
Contributed by
smudger687
on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 02:58:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Across the street, my love walks,
Arm in arm with my replacement.
My eyes shrouded with envy and angry tears,
Nothing calms this swirling vortex in my stomach
Or soothes my pierced heart.
I long to hold her, to feel our lips touch again,
For her to whisper softly in my ear:
I love you.
But this fantasy is cruel,
There is no hope here.
Across the street, her gaze sweeps over me,
Not the slightest pause, nor moments hesitation.
The harshest blow;
She no longer recognises me,
I no longer recognise her.
Copyright ©
smudger687
... [
2009-09-07 02:58:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 07:05:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Omigosh those first two lines were so exceedingly painful, that I
hardly had thought I could finish the read. (I did). Sometimes the
opening lines of a piece can make or break the work. In this case,
you draw the reader inside this well of pain and then show them
the depth of that well. This is arresting to the heart. And the last
two lines? Like a blade through the soul.
Emotion tears at us with razor sharp claws sometimes. You've
conveyed that with faultless skill. Well done, poet. Very well done
~ Breezy
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 07:06:42 AM AEST
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Oh, I forgot to mention .. the title?
B R I L L I A N T !!
~ B |
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by longhaircg on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 08:56:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| WOW i felt you , nice write baby |
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 10:41:57 AM AEST
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Ouch
(Insert praise and sympathy here) |
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyRose on
Monday, 7th September 2009 @ 01:00:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this feels so real as I read it.......Like a movie plying in my memory of some guy that tortured me gently.......... |
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Re: Gentle Torture
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 9th September 2009 @ 09:13:32 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
excellent images, beautifully written,
hugs n' love nessa |
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