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Seek for the words
Contributed by
youngpoet1989
on
Sunday, 30th March 2003 @ 09:05:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Seek for the words that are unspoken,
In me it dwells,
The words that were taken;
by your spells,
Seek for the one that is broken,
Look for the heart that is forsaken,
unknown,
Seek for the words that aren't shown.
Copyright ©
youngpoet1989
... [
2003-03-30 21:05:00] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Seek for the words
(User Rating: 1 ) by banjo on
Thursday, 17th April 2003 @ 12:52:22 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Rings of Tolkien "the sword that was broken" but lacks content or meaning.
Why not "seek for the words that were taken" in l.3? that fits the meter better.
also grammar issue between "words unspoken" in l.1 and "it dwells" in l.2 i would make it "in me they dwell." |
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