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Just You and Me.
Contributed by
FRANCO
on
Monday, 24th August 2009 @ 08:59:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
Piercing the foggy dream your smile enchantingly
stabbed my heart deeper then I thought it would,
I fall dead, not being myself - soaked in love, on
your lap, I lay watching, those mystic pare of
- dazzling eyes.
My body lay still feeling your soft fragile finger
run along my hair, your whisper I hear not;
but for those red lips waltz to the faint
beat of my aching heart.
Fragrances of love engulf us as
we float away to a land unknown,
far beyond the towering coned-pinnacles
of disarray- just you and me.
For a blinking moment, I felt your warm lips
on my cheeks, or was it the desert breezes?
For, my love deep in me I know, my fading eyes see you
no more, nor my sinking heart - feel you anymore.
That - pierced the foggy dream was not
your enchanting smile but a sly sniper’s sharp bullet.
-FRANCO-
Copyright ©
FRANCO
... [
2009-08-24 20:59:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 24th August 2009 @ 09:14:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Franco my friend,
this is a beautiful and breath taking write.
The ending was powerful!
Michelle |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Tuesday, 25th August 2009 @ 12:37:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i like this, you have captured this well. |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 25th August 2009 @ 07:21:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is absolutely stunning. The metaphors are world class and above anything that I can currently produce. This poem is one long lyrical lesson.
-Phil |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by LindaMary on
Tuesday, 25th August 2009 @ 07:57:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Benedetto,
Your poem captures beauty and deep emotion. I am transformed to place and movement of your words and I am easily at in the place of You and Me. Your descriptive style and usage of metaphors in this poem are done masterfully. The poem is very romantic. I like the contrast of the ending it awakens the emotions of the heart to a stark reality.
Bravo Cara Mia Bravo...Adoro il vostro cuore
Te amo,
Linda Mary |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 25th August 2009 @ 01:23:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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My dear, sweet friend, I am in utter speechlessness. (If that's even a word). This is absolutely
enchanting. I recall saying once that I wanted to live where you find repose. I reiterate that
most emphatically. But not only where you find repose; I seriously want to crawl inside
pieces like this and just linger indefinitely. Damn, Franco. This is one of your best
poems I've read. I am literally drenched in emotion. The sadness in the last two lines just
about wasted me. Brilliant writing, my friend. It's been a while since I've used that
word, but this is more than worthy of it.
Exceptional dear Franco. A gorgeous, cry-inducing, breath-taking piece of mastery.
Always, with the utmost respect and love,
~ Breezy |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 25th August 2009 @ 07:26:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A deeply moving, beautifully painted picture with the strokes of a master....
Well done, my friend...
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th August 2009 @ 09:42:31 PM AEST
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That was so powerfully surreal and sad. I kind of thought that twist at the end was where this was going with the way the first stanza was written...so yeah, that, my friend, is great writing.
Tim |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 28th August 2009 @ 05:47:46 AM AEST
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A compelling read. That's how I've always seen love - a sly sniper's bullet to the heart, from afar, come close.
Spike |
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Re: Just You and Me.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 1st September 2009 @ 03:26:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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scary end, beautiful write,
hugs n' love nessa |
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