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CONCRETE JUNGLE I
Contributed by
WADEMANLOWLIFE
on
Wednesday, 5th August 2009 @ 11:33:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
CONCRETE AND PLASTIC THIS URBAN JUNGLE, THIS JUNGLE I AWAKE TO EACH MORNIN'.
THE JUNGLE THAT WANT'S TO EXPLOIT YOU FOR THE ECONOMY.
THE JUNGLE THAT PROMISES YOU DREAMS COME TRUE, ONLY TO BRING YOU CRUSHING REALITY.
WE ARE ALL JUST ANIMALS SURVIVING!!!!!
NOBODY OWES YOU NOTHIN' SOME SAY.....,,,,
EAT, *****, WORK, SLEEP, DIE...............
KEEP YOUR HOPE.
KEEP YOUR DREAMS.
DON'T FORGET REALITY AND YOUR DREAMS ARE SOMETIMES TRAVELLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS....
YOU MAY HAVE TO ACCEPT AND MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR CARD BEEN DEALT???
CONCRETE AND PLASTIC WILL BE HERE LONG AFTER I'M GONE......................................................
Copyright ©
WADEMANLOWLIFE
... [
2009-08-05 23:33:24] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: CONCRETE JUNGLE I
(User Rating: 1 ) by jantra on
Thursday, 6th August 2009 @ 12:02:26 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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While i enjoyed some of the passion and vivid imagery in this piece i have to say I did have some issues with the line breaks, and seriously whats with the caps? its very distracting in my opinion. i also had an issue with the line "you may have to accept and make the best of your card been dealt??" the question marks are not really necessary and it is poorly worded. i think if this were reworked a little it has potential to be very strong. good luck! |
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