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Smoking kills.
Contributed by
Redsimmy
on
Monday, 3rd August 2009 @ 05:45:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
a cup of coffee
a cigarette
a brand new job?
possibly a vet?
a cup of coffee
a cuban cigar
a brand new job?
a superstar?
a cup of coffee
a pipe perhaps?
a brand new job?
lung collapse?
a glass of water
hospital bed
carcinoma?
oops, im dead.
Copyright ©
Redsimmy
... [
2009-08-03 17:45:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Smoking kills.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sagacious on
Monday, 3rd August 2009 @ 06:27:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Not rubbish a'tall, my friend! I really like the clever use of repetition, which helps to remind one of the long-term consequences of simple, everyday actions. The piece flows like a Public Service jingle--and I mean that in the most complimentary fashion. I could imagine non-profits like The American Lung Association running contests for material like this. It's worth looking into, at any rate.
Never would I consign your work to the level of mere rubbish, for it comes from a place that demands expression. For that, alone, it deserves an audience. Thank you for the read, -Kris- |
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Re: Smoking kills.
(User Rating: 1 )
by CharminglyAwkward on
Monday, 3rd August 2009 @ 08:19:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really like how you did this! very well schemed and put together! |
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Re: Smoking kills.
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 3rd August 2009 @ 08:20:48 PM AEST
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I liked this, I see the message in it too, we do things day to day and do not realize the consequences. I am still trying to quit!
Michelle |
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Re: Smoking kills.
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 3rd August 2009 @ 08:21:32 PM AEST
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I liked this, I see the message in it too, we do things day to day and do not realize the consequences. I am still trying to quit!
Michelle |
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Re: Smoking kills.
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Tuesday, 4th August 2009 @ 02:00:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Short and Punchy! Like it.
(Cough ....... cough ...... cough) - Afraid I'm
one of the afflicted and had the hypocrisy
to post a poem few days ago dedicated
to my sons on the perils of the weed.
I've said it before - but I must really practice
what I preach!
Tommy
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