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To Make A Sculpture
Contributed by
weepingprophet
on
Friday, 17th July 2009 @ 09:09:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
I cursed you again yesterday
Let it fly from my mouth like treason
I thought I was going to burst in to flames
Shrivel, wither, to dust
All I have ever longed for
Dangles before me and plummets into nothingness
God I hate you
I was grinding my teeth and seething
Can I have but one thing good?
You waited and didn't speak
Knowing I would not listen to you
I would not hear you
I was cold and locked up in myself
I hate you God
I hate you
I hate you
This world makes me sick
You're not an artist you're a masochist
You're twisted to mold such beings
I hate you
I let it fall like rocks unto my fragile bones
And listened calmy as they broke
Shattered, scattered
I hate you God
Or maybe I hate me
Loathing gripped my soul
Quivered with honest intent to end it all
Desperate for some control
Even still I knew
I knew that I could cease to breath
And you, the all powerful one, would breath for me
Why?
Can't I have anything?
I am trapped, helpless, consumed and overwrought
I hate me
I hate me
I am tired of this life of agony
Watching misery after tragedy
Flowing grief like fountains of ash
Choking on the tears and pity
I have fought this battle so long
The battle of self-loathing
Until recently I was beginning to see triumph
In the distance I was beginning to see victory
NOTHING
It all hollows into nothingness
Falls before me, flat, raw
Dead...
I was mourning for myself
Standing heavy with self-pity
You screamed to me
"Snap out of it!"
How dare you
You waited to speak all this time
Held your tongue and now you're screaming?
"I created you to be more than this, this mess of a woman. Rise up, accept it, I have told you before and time again that you are NOT in control."
"I want to be! I hate you! Help me?"
"The only, absolute, only thing in your life that you can control is who you become. I do not like this mess before me, it is not indicative of who I created you to be. Remember yourself, as you fall into the throes of your self-pity you drag my name with you, you drag me through the muck in your soul."
"I don't want to think about who I am becoming, I just want to give up, I want to be done. Let me be done."
"No."
"Agh I hate you! You're merciless!"
"Don't challenge my mercy, you have seen but a glimpse of what I have extended before you. You cannot begin to know what I have in store for you and when and where my mercies will rain down on you. You speak too quickly of what you know nothing."
"Stop. Stop correcting me, stop it. Stop chastening me! Why can't you say these things to someone else?!"
"I do."
"No. I have had a life of misery, and am looking at a continuance of it! I want out. I don't want to become who you created me to be it's too hard it costs too much. I'm sick of you."
"I know you, I sat with your spirit and breathed into it possibility, then I turned it over to you and sent out the homing beacon until you returned to me. I sent my own Spirit to dwell in yours and am with you through every tinge of sadness and triumph and joy. I am with and I am good. Can you not have but one thing good? You have my Spirit, you have my mercy, courage, strength and compassion, you have my favor woman of grief."
"What do I do with all this mess then? Where do I bury it? Can't you help me hide it so I can forget?"
"I want you to make a sculpture."
"I'm not Noah."
"I want you to make a sculpture with all this mess, you are an artist and I want you to create beauty and righteousness from filth and grief."
"I can't. Can you help me?"
"I can help you become your art, my art, you."
"What will the scuplture be?"
"Woman of courage, tenacity, compassion, conviction, righteous anger, woman of testament."
I let the words sink in
Weighted with the cost of living
Enduring, overcoming
The thought trickled down my spirit
Roused the sleeping strength
I put one foot angrily in front of the other
Who will I become?
What will this sculpture look like when God's hand makes my mess beautiful?
I am filth overwrought with misery and grief.
"Hey God, can you help me?"
Copyright ©
weepingprophet
... [
2009-07-17 21:09:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To Make A Sculpture
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Saturday, 18th July 2009 @ 06:03:23 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is an awesome, intimate testiment. . .
beautifully done. peace. :) elle |
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Re: To Make A Sculpture
(User Rating: 1 )
by lesoleilnoire on
Saturday, 18th July 2009 @ 03:38:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I love this amazing piece. Beautiful use of language with an artist's detail.
--Heidi |
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