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Out Of Me
Contributed by
Amberhope
on
Thursday, 9th July 2009 @ 10:40:57 PM in AEST
Topic:
self-harmpoetry
|
Too many bad things happened there
She hides her face behind her hair
To not confront the memories
Standing before her on their knees
Wanting to destroy her life
Making her want to use the knife
The last time she did it was the worst
She really wanted to quench the thirst
The thirst she had to feel relieved
Of all the hurt that she received
She did it so much it was a routine
She was the worst that she’d ever been
So now she had to get away
From what happened to her everyday
She came unto this brand new place
New people looked at her new face
She thought this was her brand new start
But to let people know, she opened her heart
And people still made fun of her
No matter what her problems were
They did mean things behind her back
Her hopeful dream faded to black
But when she thought she’d had enough
She found a diamond in the rough
She met him on a cloudy day
He made the clouds all run away
He didn’t introduce himself at first
That formality was submersed
It was hardly even a conversation
It didn’t last with long duration
But when she turned around she smiled
The roaring inside her now grew mild
But she did not see him for a few days
She thought his kindness was a phase
Until her cell phone rang one day
She answered but didn’t know what to say
When the voice on the other end said to her
“Hey, it’s me. Do you remember?
Remember that silly way we met?
That was so funny, I’ll never forget!”
He told her his name and they became friends
Their friendship became one that quickly extends
They spoke for a while
She shared her heart
She shared her story
Each detailed part
He was so shocked to know her pain
But still he did not leave in vain
He told her he’d be by her side
And he’d have his arms for when she cried
And after they said their goodbyes and left
She was in no way left feeling bereft
It was the opposite of that
She wholly knew where she was at
He called her again a few days later
The excitement in his voice was greater
He asked to see her and spend some time
This to her ear was like a sweet rhyme
She said that would be great
And that he could come over
She felt like she had found
A lucky four leaf clover
With the luck she had at finding a friend
Who she knew would stick until the end
While she was waiting for him to arrive
Every sensation was coming alive
She put on her make up and fixed up her hair
She took forever to find what to wear
She found her best outfit and quickly got dressed
If it was to impress him, she wouldn’t rest
Then the doorbell rang
Her heart instantly sang
And her nerves began to show
When he looked into her nervous eyes
And lightly said, “Hello.”
They sat down on the couch and talked for a while
Her heart would beat faster whenever he’d smile
She told him she felt a bit insecure
He looked in her eyes and said something pure
He said, “Listen to me. You’re perfect in my eyes.”
She wondered if what he said was just lies
But he touched her hand softly and then she knew
That her lonely and heartbroken days would be through
She looked in his eyes
Just as blue as the skies
And knew what she wanted to do
And when his eyes stared back at hers
She knew he wanted it too
And as she laid him down with her gentle grace
He tenderly touched her timorous face
They stared into each others’ eyes
Saying nothing at all
And as she touched her lips to his
She knew she would surely fall
He held her close and kissed her
But she lightly pulled away
She looked into his eyes
And felt she had something to say
But before she could open her mouth he said, “I really have to go.”
She said, “Okay.” But in her head she was really saying, “No.”
She walked him out to say goodbye
What she was feeling she couldn’t deny
He said, “I really had a great time with you,
But there’s one last thing that I have to do.”
He put his arms around her waist
And kissed her again while they embraced
He pulled away looking nervous and shy
He said, “My heart’s beating faster, and I don’t know why.”
She giggled at him and he got in his car
And his smile was much brighter than a star
As he grinned her way and pulled onto the street
She waved goodbye wishing it would repeat
She watched him quickly drive away
Wishing he would come back and stay
She slowly walked into her room
Softly closing the door
She didn’t want anything else or nothing less
She only wanted more
She had never before experienced someone
With such a way of love
The hurt and pain that they had caused
Was what she would think of
But she laid her head down on her pillow
Not thinking of things that were
She was only thinking of the present
And maybe the near future
She went to sleep and slept so well
But she wished she had someone to tell
The next few weeks they talked non-stop
He called her every day
He called her morning, day, and night
And sometimes just to say,
“Sweetie, you looked sad today. Is there something I did wrong?
Whatever it is I hope you’re fine and I know you’re very strong.
I care about you oh so much and I know what you’re going through,
But I want you to be okay. Just remember that you’re you.”
Every time he said this
She would smile through her tears
And every time he touched her
It would wipe away her fears
She knew that they were friends
But she knew she wanted more
She wondered what it meant
That he had said this times before
Until one day he called her
Wanting to play a question game
He asked her if she liked him
She said, “Yes. Do you feel the same?”
He was quiet for a moment
Her anticipation grew
But then he broke the silence saying,
“Yes, I like you too.”
From that moment on it wasn’t craze
They were together and talking always
Their conversations started to change
And all the feelings that they would exchange
Their words became more loving and deep
And every note he wrote her she’d keep
And then one night they were with their crowd
From across the room he was staring her down
When she saw him looking she turned red
Because he had sent her a message that said,
“Meet me out by the car in five minutes. Don’t be late.”
Her heart was pounding and she couldn’t wait
When she lost sight of him she stepped outside
She breathed in as she felt her feelings collide
She saw him getting in his car
And went to stop him from getting too far
She opened the door and quickly grabbed his face
But he said, “There are too many people in this place.”
She didn’t want to keep her friends waiting
So she quickly kissed his cheek
He suddenly looked upset and said,
“I guess I’ll see you next week.”
He drove away and didn’t look back
Her starlit night faded to black
He didn’t speak to her
For many days on end
She knew he wanted to kiss her that night
And she wanted to make amends
And so one night she told him
How bad it made her feel
She told him that her feelings for him
Were still alive and real
He told her that he wasn’t mad
It just really made him sad
He told her he still loved her
And touched her jaded face
And they that night became one
In that secret hiding place
She never felt so loved
Or loved someone so much
She melted in his arms
With each reviving touch
So each night after that
It became a standard thing
And he became the topic
Of all the songs that she would sing
She now had given her whole being
To his welcome heart
She cared for him so much, she knew
Nothing would make them part
He saved her from her problem
She never hurt herself again
She thought she was the best
That she had ever been
But then one night her phone rang
And she saw that it was him
She jumped up excitedly
Her heart was on the brim
He said, “I need to tell you something.”
Her head began to whirl
She thought he’d say “I love you.”
And ask her to be his girl
But what he said to her was completely not the same
She braced herself the moment that he roughly said her name
He said, “I need to tell you the honest truth
About you and me.
I really never liked you.
I thought that you could see.
I never meant ‘I love you,’
And I never was your friend.
And the moment that we kissed
I knew that we would surely end.
I really never cared
And you problems were a drag.
And when I talked about you
I would only brag
Not because I liked you
But because you were a trend.
And there’s one more thing I’ve got to say:
I like your best friend.”
She had no idea what to say
And he hung up the phone
He never talked to her again
And she felt all alone
Though she saw him everyday
He wouldn’t even look her way
She tried so hard to talk to him
He’d act like she didn’t exist
That’s not the way he acted
Every moment that they kissed
No matter how hurtful he was
She would be true and nice
And when he’d give her dirty looks
She still wouldn’t think twice
She knew that one that used to be
Was somewhere in him deep inside
But when she went to look for it
She could only say she tried
She thought about him all the time
And wrote about him everyday
She remembers every perfect word
That he used to say
Every day she saw him
She would bring out the knife
And remember how his so-called “love”
Had just destroyed her life
She didn’t want to do this because she thought that she’d stopped
But when she heard those words her wounded heart had dropped
The pain he caused her was not the same
As when she hurt herself
But the blade was always better
When not rusting on the shelf
The blade relieved the pain
That he caused her long ago
And when she’d see his face
Her heart would sink below
His voice became the very loudest thing that’s in her head
And every time she hears it her feelings all go dead
And as she remembers all his lies
She carves his name into her thighs
So even though she can’t be his
He’ll always be a part of her
And every time she reads him name
She’ll remember what they were
She cuts and cuts until she bleeds
And the pain is too much to bear
The cuts represent the wounds he left
That no one could repair
It’s been almost a year since then
She still thinks of him again and again
She desperately wants to stop
And she wants to get away
From his memory hurting her
And leading her astray
But she can’t do it because she’s lost
She’ll keep cutting at any cost
And if you ask why it has to be
She’ll say,
“I just can’t cut him out of me.”
Copyright ©
Amberhope
... [
2009-07-09 22:40:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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