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the great divide
Contributed by
sometime_around_midnight
on
Monday, 6th July 2009 @ 11:33:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Across this divide I will travel. I will tell myself not to look down for if I do I should surely fail.
Failure is a life or death matter. If I fail I will surely die. It seems to me that's a tough call.
For if I die surely nobody will care but what would it mean to the ones who didn't have a say?
Copyright ©
sometime_around_midnight
... [
2009-07-06 11:33:15] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the great divide
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th July 2009 @ 11:57:37 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I suppose it's a personal choice for me but I would change formatting to more like:
Across this divide I will travel.
I will tell myself not to look down
For if I do I should surely fail.
Failure is a life or death matter
If I fail I will surely die.
It seems to me that's a tough call.
For if I die surely nobody will care
But what would it mean to the ones who didn't have a say?
Seems more like a poem to me that way instead of an essay.
Nice message but I think I would have spent more time on it and tried to possibly make it more of a flow than a statement.
In, addition, it's "I", not i. All "I" references were lower case before mod corrected.
Take care,
Tim |
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