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Breaking Down the Brick Wall
Contributed by
tinathetalkingtaco
on
Friday, 19th June 2009 @ 10:19:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I don't think you really have a problem.
Or Do I?
I do have issues even if you are too blind to see them.
If you really cared, look me in the eye,
and say what you feel, don't feed me lies.
The only friends I have are you, Blade and Ana.
How could you know what lies in my dark tunnel?
Ears hear everything but don't inhale.
Life going down a black funnel,
If you yell, I'll walk away, do you regale?
Maybe I want to go to the nepenthe.
Feelings ablaze, trust dwindling, only tell one.
Sitting here with you, pouring Absinthe.
Spoken words only help half way, undone.
Submerged in self hatred, disbelief and love.
Love I'll never have the chance to portray
for I'll be gone. Would you care?
You think, but you don't know.
Before me is death, should I dare?
Am I unforgiven because of only myself?
Every night I lay awake thinking of whats become of me.
The pen and the blade lay untouched as the light is blown.
Away for an enternity of blackness.
Am I blind to my reality? Am I loved?
Falling in a kaleidoscope of darkness,
Maybe I don't want to be fixed by a caring dove.
Compliments used as a scapegoat in your eyes.
Can I do anything right?
I don't want you to feel bad or the need to say
those things no matter what I might
try to surcease this disease, revert to Blade.
If I wasn't here, would it matter?
If the clock ceased to tick, would the world stop?
No.
Sun sets fire to my burning soul.
Avenged, I'm not.
Stop stating the obvious, when my bell tolls
I'll pay in my sins, flames arise.
Blurred vision has my eyes to their demise.
I only see what Ana tells me to see.
I'm nothing more than a mound of filth,
waiting to shrivel to dust, death creeps.
let down, lied to, coverups.
that's all I ever seem to hear.
shy should I stop when you can't do the same.
If you feel on the edge, I'll be there next to you
throughout, but how many problems do I have to name
for you to see that this is real, not fake.
If you feel on the edge, I feel like I can't do anything
to help you. How many times does it take
for me to realise its really all my fault
I want you to be happy but in the end, everything
comes back to me and says you could've stopped.
I don't know what it takes for me to see
that it's never going to happen and that I need to stop
because I know one day I may not be here
though I didn't say what I wanted to say to you.
Everyone I became friends with are slowly drifting, unclear
of the reason, it's probably my fault.
after everything you've said to mee, words somersault
and just pass by like cars in a racing window.
you say to stop but maybe I don't want to,
Maybe I don't want to be alone like a black widow.
Because when I'm alone, mirrors tell me differently
maybe I want you to be there constantly
but apparently I don't deserve anyone because of Ana.
In this I'm basically pouring my hear out, is anyone listening?
The anger numbed the true feelings and when people say
i'm a miracle child, is that true? then why have I become a mistake?
I stand alone on the scale of misleading eyes glistening
why do I never help myself when i'm only helping others?
because its what others have said to me to make me be this way.
but whenever i do try to fix this, every step i take
reverts me back to this november.
we use phobias as a scapegoat to hide what we're truly afraid of.
maybe if i can remember, i'm truly afraid of looking at myself.
how can anyone look at me and say i'm a good person.
maybe i'm pushing everyone away because i don't want them to help me.
even if i do want youre help, its only going to be myself
who can really stop this.
i believe if i was saved, i probably wouldnt deserve it.
if you told me to stop, i would, only for you.
and if someone said three words it'd make a difference.
because i feel nothing positive inside though
I know i could've done a lot more to express how i feel
but it wouldnt matter now would it?
and who are you to say you've endured more than me?
because in the end, your opinion is the only one that matters
and you're always a good friend and i wanna be there for you.
and i know that i dont deserve you because everything you do
turns out perfectly and everything i touch shatters.
maybe i dont realise how much i've impacted
the ones around me or maybe theyre just saying that.
because the way i see things, its a terrible format.
because really, i dont think anything i do or say
really is ever truly heard or understood.
like my life is a joke and maybe after this is done
you'll forget about me, which is likely, I should be
forgotten because i need to be forgotten, gone.
and you dont need to say anything, i dont want you to feel obligated
and if i were him, i wouldn't forgive me.
Do you?
But know this, I'll wait an eternity if I have to.
Copyright ©
tinathetalkingtaco
... [
2009-06-19 22:19:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Breaking Down the Brick Wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by KitCat on
Saturday, 20th June 2009 @ 08:56:34 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| i really enjoyed reading this. alot of emotions and unanswered questions. keep writing:) |
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