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Shiver
Contributed by
Loende
on
Monday, 1st June 2009 @ 04:05:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
Shiver
It happened one night when the moon was a sliver
I slipped from this realm with a sigh and a shiver
My room dropped away and the stars became so bright
As I moved through the clouds getting smaller and light
Though my arms did not move I still flew through the sky
Racing upward to touch the moon as I passed by
Before I was ready to, I slowed to a stop
And land replaced the heavens with a small loud pop
I found myself sitting to the right of a mound
Surrounded by twinkling and golden colored sound
The greens were so vibrant, and the blues were so rich
That I pushed to my feet to explore every inch
I brushed off my nightgown, peered back to the woodland
Then boldly walked forward past root, leaves and garland
As I passed through that curtain and into the tor
I was startled to find a grand clearing and more
The walls they were gilded, and the floor soft and plush
The breath I’d been holding was exhaled in a rush
All through the room, upon columns of spun diamonds
There glowed candle flames dancing, numbered in thousands
In the middle of this wonder sat a great throne
And on the top of that dais, She sat all alone
Quite tiny of stature with a smile full and clear
She clapped her hands together, then beckoned me near
Her skin was translucent, an ivory so light
Delicate as a moth’s wing flying through the night
Huge violet eyes in a face that was exquisite
Glowed with welcome at my ignominious visit
She wore robes of deep blue and kirtle of crimson
I felt rather awkward in my worn white linen
As if She had heard me, though I spoke in my head
My nightclothes were replaced by a gown of brick red
Holding my head high, I took the last steps swiftly
And as I reached her feet, I dropped a deep curtsey.
My heart it was pounding and my chest felt so tight
As She reached down to raise me up to my full height
Where before it was empty, the room was now filled
And small faery-like creatures now wandered and milled
With my hand in hers, She led me to her throne
Where a second now sat, made of dark polished stone
And though now there were many a soul in this room
All talking soon ceased making it quiet as a tomb.
Her voice bright as crystal, despite the tears she cried
She bid me sit beside her as she smiled with pride
With knees that were shaking, I did as I was told
And sat in that chair though I thought it too bold
The gold crown that appeared then on top of my head
Proclaimed to one and all that for this I was bred
Sister of The Moonlight, and lost from this grand place
Queen of Sun and Daylight, returned now to her grace
To a man the crowd did take to each a knee
For The Sisters once more reigned together and free
As for my mortal life, that I have left behind
This change is good and just, not some dream so unkind
So remember me well, and though I loved you each
My life was not my own there, of this I beseech
I will always miss you, some more than I can bear
But my sister’s been pinning and she needs me here
And though I will mourn you, I’ll remember you well
But the time has now come for me to say farewell.
***Additional author's note***
This is only a piece of fiction....just a story, but if there is any truth in, perhaps it is, that we should each embrace that which we were born to be and what we were made to do and stop trying to be things that we are not.
Copyright ©
Loende
... [
2009-06-01 16:05:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 1st June 2009 @ 07:21:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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OMG the beauty of this made me cry.
Each word blended and floating perfectly together. Bringing such a soothing and peaceful feeling while reading.
The note at the end so wise my friend.
BEAUTIFUL!
hugs
Michelle |
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Re: Shiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Monday, 1st June 2009 @ 08:11:21 PM AEST
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| Masterful & beautiful. . . delightful. . . mesmerizing. . . every good thing! Peace. elle |
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Re: Shiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 1st June 2009 @ 09:35:03 PM AEST
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Wow..My sweet poetess Dawn..
This is an amazing job .. Truly a heart moving work. and a great example
shows your caring nature and the talent that weaves an artful master piece..
Now you are at your best..
God bless you my friend.
yours
venkat |
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Re: Shiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 2nd June 2009 @ 08:49:18 PM AEST
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Wistful, beautiful, sad (ending) and well, yeah, mesmerizing. I am certainly with everyone else on this. This excels as a masterpiece.
I wanted to just say wow but you definitely deserve more than impulse.
Take care,
Tim
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Re: Shiver
(User Rating: 1 )
by TsunamiWaverider on
Thursday, 17th September 2009 @ 10:38:00 PM AEST
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Quite well constructed and well thought out. Shame about the loss of cadence in certain places and also the failure to rhyme in a few places and 'settling'...ie;
woodland - garland
diamonds - thousands
crimson - linen
swiftly - curtsey
bear - here
but all in all a reasonable attempt. Congrats. |
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