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I Won't Tell.
Contributed by
snazzychica2812
on
Monday, 4th May 2009 @ 07:05:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I WON'T TELL.
How many times did I promise that?
I WON'T TELL.
What sounds like such a simple phrase
Speaks eternities in its three words because
Once you've promised not to tell
You've signed away your right to speak
To believe
To tell your story
You've signed away your rights
And even though I never once said it to you exactly
As I crumpled on your cellar floor
I still knew it was between us
An unspoken promise to lie
An unspoken
Promise to
Lie
And even though I never once said it to you exactly
As I was thrown into the wall
I still knew that
I was just giving you another excuse
To carry on your crash-course of destruction
Because even though it wasn't hurting you
It was destroying me
It was destroying me
And even though I never once said it to you exactly
As I cried myself to sleep
Praying for someone to save me
Praying for someone to open my mouth
Praying for someone
To let me tell
To let me break that promise
I still knew that every second
I didn't open my mouth was
Another second I was screaming in my head
Another second I was promising to lie for you
And even though I never once said it exactly
As I turned my hatred inward
I knew that by swearing to keep quiet
I was suffocating in my own lies
And they were slowly killing me
While I was slowly killing myself
To hide what I refused to show
And even though I never once said it exactly
As I checked into the hospital
[For the third time that year]
I knew that every day I didn't tell someone
Was another day that I was
Letting all this affect me
Even though it was my own life
I was letting other people control it
I was letting them take me over
I was letting them
Take me
Over
And even though I never once said it exactly
As they told me to be your friend
I refused to tell and
I refused to be your friend
Even though I looked like
I was the one at fault
Even though I knew that
You were the one who should be blamed but
No one ever would
As long as I kept my promise
No one ever would blame you
As long as I didn't tell because
I did not create this and
I did not decide this and
Even though I never once said it exactly
You forced this on me
You made me do this and
I have become this
Because of what you did but
I am sick of giving you the power and
I am sick of letting you take me over and
I am sick of letting you chain me
I am sick of
Letting you
Chain me and
I've made my choices now
I won't lie for you anymore because
I am not going to let you do this
I am not going to let you destroy me
I am not
Going to let you
Destroy me and
All of a sudden
I look around and see
Everyone staring at me
Waiting for my choice
And I can either continue to lie for you
Lie for someone who's never
Deserved a second of my time
[Although I gave him two years]
Or I can open my mouth and scream and
Fight for what I know is truth and
The room falls silent and
I know that this is my only chance to tell the truth and
I know that this is my only chance to be strong and
I know that this is my only chance to be heard
This is my only chance
To be heard
So I look down and
Rip the scarlet letter off my chest that promises
"I WON'T TELL."
The letter that cuts me off from everyone I love because
I'm too busy drowning in my own lies and
Trying to keep track of what I've told and
What I've hidden and
My lies are shattering before my eyes because
I can't hide the truth anymore and so
I stand up and
Look every single person in the eye
So they know that
This time they are getting the truth and
This time they are getting a secret I've kept for years and
This time they are getting the real me
They are getting
The real me
Not the girl who's been hiding behind her hair and
Her drama and her
Flailing insanity and her
Elaborately constructed lie
[Which is now crashing down at her feet as we speak]
I open my mouth and the first word falters and
Suddenly I can't do this
Suddenly I don't want to do this
Suddenly I don't want to be standing here
Telling everyone secrets I've kept for years
Which are too painful to even mention
Even though they're eating me from the inside out and
I apologize to everyone and sit back down and end by telling them that
I WON'T TELL.
. . .I won't tell. . .
Suddenly it occurs to me that
Even though I never once said it to you exactly
I'm promising them the same thing
I once promised you and
Suddenly I want to do this
Suddenly I have to do this and
I jump up on my chair and
I scream
I
Scream
Until the lights come crashing down and
The lies come crashing down and
I lose my voice but
It doesn't even matter and
I keep screaming
Until I've told everyone
All that I had promised not to tell and
Even though he's looking at me
Like he's ready to kill me
[And we all know he'd probably like to right about now]
That doesn't even matter
Because if you don't want someone telling what you did then
Maybe you shouldn't do things you'll have to lie about later
So I keep screaming
Even though I look like an idiot
Standing on top of my chair
Screaming my face off
Although somehow I seem to have caught the room's attention and
Maybe now someone will listen
Not just to me but
To every single person who's promised not to tell
So listen to
Whatever their story is because
You might just learn something about yourself in the process and
Now maybe you'll tell your story because
The biggest lie anyone's ever told is
I WON'T TELL.
I.
WON'T.
TELL.
Copyright ©
snazzychica2812
... [
2009-05-04 19:05:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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