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Room of the Sea (corrected vers.)

Contributed by PoeTom on Tuesday, 28th April 2009 @ 12:36:09 PM in AEST
Topic: fantasy

I wandered blindly
Through the everlasting halls
Sliding my hands
Along the mansion walls

Pressing past
countless hours of night
Fear far behind me
Courage my light

A wise old man
Here did tell to me
A tale of wonder
In the Room of the Sea
That there lie riches
Beyond the wildest of dream

In my quest
I clung to my greed
Desperate for gold
My debt would be freed

At long last
The sun
Shown brilliantly through
As darkness fades away
Black halls turn to blue
To reveal a door
I failed to see

Into enchantment
This soon would lead me
Into this vast forgotten
Room of the Sea

Creeping cautiously
Through the open door
Lumbering my way
Across the grimy floor

My eyes leapt not to the cieling
Or celestial design on the wall
At the painting of a ship
I gazed in awe
A ship trapped in the clutches
Of an almighty squall

On the vessel I stood
Alone in sheer dismay
To the oceans depths
This ship would sink
Where forgotten my corpse
Would forever lay

I dived from collapsing ship
Into crushing waves of sea
A flash of white light
Then awakened me

When I awoke
Off to my right
Animals on shelves
With cotton stuffed tight

To my left
An infants bed
Confusion clouded each thought
That swirl 'round in my head

This wise old man
Did lie to me
Fooled me
Forced mind's eye
To scurry free
Oh how could I not see
That this magnificent Room of the Sea
Was merely a child's playplace to be?

Copyright © PoeTom ... [ 2009-04-28 12:36:09]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Room of the Sea (corrected vers.) (User Rating: 1 )
by zenith66 on Sunday, 31st May 2009 @ 03:25:12 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

hmmm... a strange scenario you present but a very interesting read i feel. I still am slightly confused at the exact meaing of this but i will say that you have some great imagery and a real imagination here freind!!

fantasy writing is all about letting your mind soar free, and you certainly did that, some of your pacing was a bit off but that wil come in time, i especially loved some of your sentences, sometimes it felt as though i was reading a stroy you know!!

very good work keep it up okay!!

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