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Cry.
Contributed by
hopelezz
on
Sunday, 26th April 2009 @ 08:17:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
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I don't want to see you sad,
I just want to feel you glad.
I don't want to see you lonely,
Because my feelings would be so heavy.
When your tears falls down,
I've hurt myself that I couldn't found,
I felt sick when I saw you that,
Showing love that feels like a flat.
And when the time I catch your tears,
I would fight for you and all of your fears.
Because here with me, I would set you free,
A lovely charm that starts with thee.
If you replace a blood just for me,
I only ask a single blood we used to be.
And if you replace a tears for me to fly,
I would lay down and die rather than to see you cry.
Copyright ©
hopelezz
... [
2009-04-26 20:17:08] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cry.
(User Rating: 1 ) by tothepoint on
Sunday, 26th April 2009 @ 10:17:49 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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i liked the idea of this poem, but it was difficult to read. first the words including the meaning is unstable and it makes reading this piece hard to read. theres one part i didnt quite understand:
"i felt sick when i saw you that,
showing love that feels like a flat
i noticed dont try to hard to rhyme, it would lose its sense in meaning. when ever you write reread it to yourself . overall it was an ok write! just practice more thats all anyone can do.
keep it up 6/10 |
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