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Letters From Peace
Contributed by
3660days
on
Monday, 20th April 2009 @ 07:56:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
Peace...
…I have let go of you for the last time,
as if I ever could.
I know that I have said that before, but
I mean it now...
...today I released your letters,
one by one, into the flames,
tenderly, lovingly...but knowing that
it wasn't fair to keep them, that strangely
they were somehow never mine...
...each one of them precious,
each one a miracle remembered,
including...yes, including
the one where you had scribbled
“ice-cream girl” as the sender,
and stuffed it full of...
...full of paper butterflies
“the butterflies are for happiness” you had explained...
...and including the letter
where you spoke of druids...
(and never, ever had I even told you
how I'd prayed the night before,
that if only you were her...
...yes, that if only you were she,
that you would only say "druid"
the following morning...)
....including the letter where you said,
"I long to be in love, and to love...
...but whenever people get close,
I always push them away...
oh, I hate myself.
Why can’t I be happy
with who I am?
Oh, why, why, why!
I will not cry in class.
I will not cry in class…”
...including the letter where you wrote,
"The gentle breeze
carries their laughter
but it does not carry
my tears..."
...including the letter
where you wished me a
"Happy Thanksgiving!"
in the middle of March
(because, as you explained,
it didn't really matter what day it was,
or what the calendar said...)
...oh, and all the others too...
...I released them all today,
into the flames, and with them
I have released you...
...as I am sure you have released me, too...
...oh! have peace...
...have peace, gentle Peace...
Copyright ©
3660days
... [
2009-04-20 19:56:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Letters From Peace
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Monday, 20th April 2009 @ 09:00:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Please, lay off the ellipses. |
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Re: Letters From Peace
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 20th April 2009 @ 09:48:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Yeah, I think I'd kind of avoid so many ellipses too, but it is your poetry. I know you're going for that pause effect. How about instead a comma at the end of a line? As the space between stanzas seems to have the same effect. Just an observation.
I really really like the sentiment in this poem. You have a knack of taking some of the simple things in life and making them very poetic. I like that.
I also respect your courage in presenting a draft publicly.
-------------
Good morning,
I hope you don't hate yourself. :-)
Tim |
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Re: Letters From Peace
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 02:30:44 PM AEST
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I like this, I too would usually say to lay off the eclipses, but I think they do pretty well, here. Maybe the poem would lose something without them.
I like how the poem jumps from part to part, like randomly remembered memories. It can happen that thinking of one thing can remind a person of another thing, and that's what I get from this.
The part about Thanksgiving really touched me, I just think it's a nice thought.
I'm sorry you're in pain, don't give up on hope and peace, ok?
For a first draft I thought this was good :)
Well done,
Phil xxx |
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Re: Letters From Peace
(User Rating: 1 )
by Voice of the Silent on
Tuesday, 21st April 2009 @ 08:02:28 PM AEST
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As I've told you I'm not one for poems that don't rhyme but this one I like it. The subject and just reading the whole thing. Parts that where random made me laugh but I liked it
On the note of drafting my advice is just let the words flow and write once you have what seems to be a poem spellcheck and there you go lol atleast that's what I do anyway
great write
hope to read more soon |
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Re: Letters From Peace
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlightKiss on
Wednesday, 22nd April 2009 @ 12:11:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| good job on this, its very touching |
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