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Facing Reality
Contributed by
2Deep4U
on
Saturday, 18th April 2009 @ 08:12:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
As I rummage through assorted thoughts for reasons forgotten in vain.
Remnants of the substance called pain
Travel through the tunnel of my vain
And flood a provenance of my brain.
I refuse to accept your superficial sympathy.
I would rather drown in self-loathing in salilaquy.
I've hit rock bottom sending my body into cardiac arrest,
But nothing can stop the echo of determination in my chest.
Copyright ©
2Deep4U
... [
2009-04-18 20:12:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Facing Reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by navydocny on
Sunday, 19th April 2009 @ 06:40:59 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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There is some superior language here, though some type-o's.....(my technical dig)
I think this is unfinished...
I see a rock dug out of the mud which, if you wash it and break the pieces away....
you'll find a nice nugget of gold.....
Good Job!
Steve |
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Re: Facing Reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 19th April 2009 @ 07:06:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Don't know what browser you use, but "Firefox"
got "add-ons" for spell checking. That way you will see typos when you write or paste to post.
It might be available for other browsers too. |
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Re: Facing Reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Sunday, 19th April 2009 @ 05:29:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Overall I like your poem. There are several lines that I think are very good. Nice imagery in them.
The second to the last line doesn't sit as well with me..almost like you were trying to find something to go with the last line.
Pretty good poem though. Thanks for sharing and I hope to see more.
Carol |
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Re: Facing Reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by kye on
Wednesday, 22nd April 2009 @ 05:43:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
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You know, you have what it takes to be a fantastic writer of poetry. You have creativity, uniqueness and you put forth the effort.
I wished the poem had been longer. Truly enjoyed this one and also liked the title you chose.
Kie |
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