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My Voice
Contributed by
2Deep4U
on
Thursday, 16th April 2009 @ 05:37:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The verbal passage way that embodies my soul
Is an entity that emits an energy
That is truely an enigma.
It's a fiece force that can
Move you, bend you,
Burn you or heal you.
I don't fully understand it completely myself, but
I do know that the quality of it seen
From the periphial could blot out any sun
Or stop any war.
The presence of my voice demands attention
And it is a siren to those who hear it.
They are drawn in to the passion
That is fueled by the eternal flame
Inside of me.
This fire is so immense in magnitude
That I can barely keep it under control.
So I don't try.
I let out my dragon's breathe
And burn cold hearts with it's intense heat
Igniting the flames inside of them.
With it
I will produce words so beautiful
The world will stop and marvel in it's sweet marinade.
Can you hear the beat?
A beat that trembles with my hunger for knowledge.
This ain't a random noise done by heathens.
No, it beats to the rhythm of love.
Love for God,
Love for mankind
And for unity.
Because together in harmony
we create a melondy of truth
not deluded with the noisy disturbance of human behavior,
but strengthened with the serenity of our conciousness.
Copyright ©
2Deep4U
... [
2009-04-16 17:37:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Voice
(User Rating: 1 )
by seibeltj on
Thursday, 16th April 2009 @ 07:22:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| For only a fourth poem, this poem is powerful. I know you said the poem was inspired by A Brave New Voice, but I'm not familiar with the show. If this was your own format, then it was put together very nicely. Well done. |
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Re: My Voice
(User Rating: 1 )
by 3660Days on
Thursday, 16th April 2009 @ 11:38:40 PM AEST
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Straight away I noticed your fine use of alliteration, for example "e" in stanza 1, "w" in stanza 7, etc.
For a fourth poem I think you show a nice command of language, but I didn't feel a great emotional connection to this poem, like I couldn't relate to it as a reader.
Hoping to read more from you very soon. |
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Re: My Voice
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Friday, 17th April 2009 @ 01:57:01 PM AEST
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| Nice job overall. Most of us desire to write poetry that will stop the world or at least leave a lasting impression. By the way, did you mean breath in L 19? It says breathe ... the act of breathing. Just wondered |
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Re: My Voice
(User Rating: 1 )
by kye on
Friday, 17th April 2009 @ 07:13:29 PM AEST
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This was a uniquely written poem. I don't think i've ever read one like it and that made it vastly interesting and wonderful.
May your quest for knowledge, inspire more poems from you. I look forward to it.
Kie |
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