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Aries Descending

Contributed by 3660days on Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 03:45:25 AM in AEST
Topic: LostLove

I asked,

“Who are you?
and who
am I?”

but you refused to answer.

I asked because
I wondered if maybe
you were her-

but you were only a ghost
who came and vanished,
and vanished,
and vanished,

and told me that
you were dying.

I told you that
you couldn’t die…you were
too real.

But I let go of you
and you did…
die.

I didn’t even realize
that you were dying.

You were like a baby robin
fallen from her mother’s nest…
like a tiny sailboat
being tossed upon the seas…

and then
you were gone.

Copyright Â© 3660days ... [ 2009-04-14 03:45:25]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Aries Descending (User Rating: 1 )
by zenith66 on Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 04:42:58 AM AEST
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I did like this poem, it was defiantly an interesting read and especially the second last verse was very good, the comparisons you made were solid and colorful, i must admit though, even though i like the story you told i just wasn't gripped, i wasn't at the edge of my seat. perhaps i prefer faster poems, I'm not sure but u just didn't feel compelled to continue reading, but thats just me man, take it with a grain of salt and keep on writing because your potential is obvious!!

keep it up!!

Re: Aries Descending (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 10:59:32 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i liked it, i think it had a nice flow to it and i liked the penultimate stanza, with it's poignant imagery. good work.

-Phil

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