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Aries Descending
Contributed by
3660days
on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 03:45:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I asked,
“Who are you?
and who
am I?”
but you refused to answer.
I asked because
I wondered if maybe
you were her-
but you were only a ghost
who came and vanished,
and vanished,
and vanished,
and told me that
you were dying.
I told you that
you couldn’t die…you were
too real.
But I let go of you
and you did…
die.
I didn’t even realize
that you were dying.
You were like a baby robin
fallen from her mother’s nest…
like a tiny sailboat
being tossed upon the seas…
and then
you were gone.
Copyright ©
3660days
... [
2009-04-14 03:45:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Aries Descending
(User Rating: 1 ) by zenith66 on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 04:42:58 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I did like this poem, it was defiantly an interesting read and especially the second last verse was very good, the comparisons you made were solid and colorful, i must admit though, even though i like the story you told i just wasn't gripped, i wasn't at the edge of my seat. perhaps i prefer faster poems, I'm not sure but u just didn't feel compelled to continue reading, but thats just me man, take it with a grain of salt and keep on writing because your potential is obvious!!
keep it up!! |
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Re: Aries Descending
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 10:59:32 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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i liked it, i think it had a nice flow to it and i liked the penultimate stanza, with it's poignant imagery. good work.
-Phil |
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