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The Girl
Contributed by
freckle
on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 02:15:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Silence between us
Noise reigns all around
and within
I glance at her,
glimpsing timelessness
She sits quiet, unaware of
my swirling thoughts
Her belly swells
from the child, within
I long to fill her ears
with words of wisdom
But I do not,
she will learn, from life itself
She already sits - apart
from the other girls
Whose voices drift,
like the chatter of birds
She sits quiet
Yet I know, inside her
swirls thoughts of the unknown,
the unborn child
Yes, I think,
she will learn from this child
about life
She will awake-
to the true feelings
of love and laughter
sorrow and fear
The unborn babe,
will unknowingly,
teach her wisdom
So I sit in silence,
wiser, myself.
Carol L. Sossaman
1/07/04
Copyright ©
freckle
... [
2009-04-12 14:15:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Girl
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 03:37:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I really like this poem. It definitely conveys that life changning thrill of a lifetime.
Tim |
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Re: The Girl
(User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 06:22:07 PM AEST
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To speak and remove all doubt or to remain quiet and oblivious.
Interesting choice life does bring. |
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Re: The Girl
(User Rating: 1 )
by 3660Days on
Monday, 13th April 2009 @ 03:02:25 PM AEST
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surprisingly good, not too choppy, with a clear message, and some excellent lines:
her belly swells
from the child within
she already sits - apart
from the other girls
she sits quiet (this worked well I think because of the sudden break from the two-line rhythem ... while this line is alone, by itself, very sharp.)
So I sit in silence,
wiser myself (excellent ending, AND good alliteration).
I would give this 3/5 on its own merit, maybe 4/5 by normal standards for ypdc poems. Well done. |
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