|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Story Of Solitude
Contributed by
dhart420
on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 10:32:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
The lonely nights,
Tearful eyes at night,
Tears tell a story.
This is mine.
My true love,
My guardian angel,
Guide me from above,
I'm lost in this life.
Spinning out of control.
Every day, hoping it will pass..
Don't know how long I'm gonna last.
This heart is useless now but still,
I try to move on,
All I get
Used and abused,
Treated like refuse.
Tired of singing the blues
I threw my heart out with yesterdays news.
But now i feel so empty.
No love in sight.
Drugs.
Addiction.
No sobriety in sight.
The pain is there but i don't feel a thing.
How do I make this last forever?
Darkness consumes,
Im going insane...dwelling
Long lost thoughts of what once was.
What could have been.
When will this end?
Tired of this life,
I've made up my mind.
Suicide.
The gun is loaded
The hammer cocked
Gun in my mouth
Pull the trigger.
Nothing
Piece of *****.
I clear the chamber and check the bullet.
Perfect strike from the firing pin.
I should be dead.
All will is gone
I just close my eyes and once again begin to cry.
I swear I heard you say its not my time.
So they say im insane.
I can only nod and agree.
Tell me something i don't know.
Medication
Psychiatrists
Rehab
I don't want it.
But you tell me to do as they say.
I'm better now, so they say.
Maybe the're crazy, not me.
They are going to let me go today.
Drop the meds in the trash on the way out.
Sobriety.
The drugs took away the pain,
But now I see you pretty smile again..
I am trying to come back to reality,
Though i never really knew what it was.
You live in your world,
I'll live in mine.
You hurry up,
I'm gonna take my time.
What happens now?
How?
When?
Why?
So many questions.
Not enough answers.
Scared to love again,
Or no longer capable.
Only time can tell.
So until then,
I'm forced to live in this hell.
Its been so long since I've felt well.
But i'm not going without a fight.
I'm throwin punches till I hear the bell.
The more I try,
The more you smile.
Setbacks,
False starts,
Slipped and tripped.
And then I fell.
I lay there waiting for you to pick me up.
But what you told me.
I have to do this for myself.
I stand here now on my own two feet.
Never far from defeat.
But I'm standing
I don't know how,
Or for how long.
Im still not healed, nor will I ever be.
I can do this, wait and see.
I tell myself over and over trying to believe.
Struggling to get back to basics.
A day late,
A dollar short.
A thousand yards behind in a hundred yard dash.
Still bringing up the back of the pack,
But at least im running.
Don't care about getting beat.
Finally there is firm ground beneath my feet.
Good news...I made it through this week.
And you answer with a smile.
Its been 5 years now.
All I can do is look back in disbelief,
Thats its me in this poem as I read.
This is real, you best believe.
I may not be the pack leader,
I may never be.
I don't care thats alright with me.
I'm comfortable right where i'm at
Oh well if its dead last.
Who knows if I will ever love again?
I still don't know what to belive.
This story isn't over.
Not yet.
I'm not one of you.
My mind,
pure, undilluted, unphased,
I know my place,
I am set in my ways
Don't try to change me.
I don't live to please you.
I see your smile, brighter than ever
My light at the end of the tunnel
That guided me through darkness
Delivered me to safety
All I can do is smile back at a job well done.
My guardian angel
Ashley Leann Simmons
09-18-1984 to 10-24-04
Copyright ©
dhart420
... [
2009-04-12 10:32:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Story Of Solitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 01:40:35 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow, this most certainly choked me up and I am so glad that it seems to take that twist with a happy ending.
Because, even before I read this line:
I swear I heard you say its not my time.
I was already thinking you had a guardian angel and that angel stopped that gun from working. Of course I did not even get to the end of the poem yet. I'll bet she did say that and you did hear her.
And then as I read along I was thinking "she" would not want you to do this anyway and I wondered if the tables were turned, that you probably wouldn't want her to take herself out like that either.
Having had my share of losses, I can certainly relate to that feeling of not being able to handle it all and wanting it to be over... now! But alas, I am sure our loved ones who have passed on do not want to see us do something rash.
I have quite often thought and sometimes even find myself believing that some of our loved ones that have crossed over are sent back to be our very own guardian angels and this poem, your story, helps to convince me that I am right.
Excellent story... great poem.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Please take care of yourself. I am sure Ashley wants you to be safe and happy.
Tim
|
|
|
Re: Story Of Solitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 06:39:48 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Sharing helps us all |
|
|
Re: Story Of Solitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Sunday, 12th April 2009 @ 09:55:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is so heart-breaking and so well written. I am sorry for your loss - I know you will get through this. Stay strong.... it's what Ashley would have wanted....
We are a caring family here at YPDC and I want to welcome you to this site...
Take care..
Jenni |
|
|
Re: Story Of Solitude
(User Rating: 1 )
by razorbladekisses on
Monday, 13th April 2009 @ 10:24:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This poem is.. amazing. For lack of better word.
I like your style. And this story, it's sad. Well written.
I don't know exactly what to say. But I really liked this.
I look forward to more poems.
I hope all is well.
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
