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Lost
Contributed by
Wulfenix
on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 08:02:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Where am I
Its too dark,
I cant see
Where im going
Who am I
Im so confused,
So blind now
I cant remember
What do I do
Why do I do it,
What do I really want
How am I sure
Faith is lost, for I half believe
Hope is lost, for im half sure
Patience is lost, for I can half wait
Truth is lost, for I can half trust
Im home
Where theres light,
Where your special someone
Whose always thinking of you
I am
What I like to do,
and I love
What I cherish the most
I listen to my heart
To find and answer
For all of my questions
Until then, im sure
Copyright ©
Wulfenix
... [
2009-03-31 20:02:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 31st March 2009 @ 08:23:10 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Apostrophes are your friends. The second stanza feels clumsy, and not in a thematic way. I like the fourth stanza though, with half believing and so on, and it works well as a turning point for the poem. "I love | What I cherish the most" sounds a bit redundant. The last stanza finished fairly well, although the last line seemed a bit ambiguous as to what you were sure OF (that might just be my interpretation though). Good effort overall. |
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 1st April 2009 @ 12:11:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very nice, it flowed well and you conveyed the feeling of anxiety and confusion perfectly. great work.
-phil |
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