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But to Ask
Contributed by
Balmain_Tiger
on
Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 06:44:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
My day is wonderful my day is done
With one so beautiful in the sun
To hear you laugh to smell your scent
I pray thanks that you were sent
And if I may touch your hand
Surely I would hear a band
The music sounds in my ears
And your beauty brings me tears
You fill my life so complete
Since the day we did meet
I have so much love for you
You need but ask for me to do
Monday, 9 March 2009
10:39:34 PM
Copyright ©
Balmain_Tiger
... [
2009-03-09 06:44:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: But to Ask
(User Rating: 1 )
by dark_poet on
Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 09:20:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this was a sweet write. the first two parts flowed well, but third(last) part got alittle choppy, try to keep your flow and amount of syllables used in each line even.
goodjob |
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Re: But to Ask
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 02:24:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a lovely write.
-phil |
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Re: But to Ask
(User Rating: 1 )
by skywings on
Tuesday, 10th March 2009 @ 05:03:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Cute! I really like the first and second lines of the first and second verses. |
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