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Moving On
Contributed by
mooshken26
on
Monday, 16th February 2009 @ 11:14:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I’m moving on
I’m standing proud
So tall.
I’m not pretty
I’m beautiful
I stand here
With the broken pieces
of my heart mended
and the ghosts rested
I look at you,
A life so past
A broken man
The pain is gone
No anger or regrets
Just pity for this
Broken man.
Copyright ©
mooshken26
... [
2009-02-16 11:14:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Moving On
(User Rating: 1 )
by dark_poet on
Monday, 16th February 2009 @ 01:58:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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it was very short, and it delivered the meaning but it sounded choppy. it made the flow of your piece seem dull. next time you could rhyme some more and it will give it more of a flavor.
if you need help on your writing, i could help out, just show me before posting your work
nice try and keep working at it, takes time to become good.
bye |
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Re: Moving On
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 16th February 2009 @ 04:40:07 PM AEST
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the imagery was very nice and original. it was a good piece of work.
-phil |
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Re: Moving On
(User Rating: 1 )
by ItsMeNow on
Saturday, 21st February 2009 @ 11:03:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| LOL. Its sadly funny to me it sounds like what my ex would write to me. Awe not so funny. I liked it though. |
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Re: Moving On
(User Rating: 1 )
by bigbadblinkybill on
Saturday, 21st February 2009 @ 11:31:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| am i the only one who gets this? we should embrace new contributors not slate them. poetry is our common ground which we all use to convey emotions, feelings and general randomness we have in our head. this is our way of expressing so lets get behind new people and appreciate wot they contribute. this tells a story just like any other poem and perhaps the style is a reflection of their feelings at the time. it shows great emotion and a sense of victory. great poem moosken xx big hugs |
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