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love till death
Contributed by
Poetking123
on
Friday, 13th February 2009 @ 08:34:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
when I look at you i could die you walked right past me before i could say hi.my brothers found out and now they laugh at me i really love you i can't believe we haven't come out to be.now I'm in high school an were best friends nothings changed every time i look at you with another guy im in pain.I love you so much i can't take it now your married and i can't do anything about it i was crying while you kissed him. my eyes were watery and my heart grew dim.you have cancer and your in the life support machine my hearts in pain i just wish it was a dream.For your last words you told every one to leave but me not husband your mom or dad i was surprised he was mad but he left she tried to say something but she passed away she gave me a kiss that i wish i kept.i cried and cried until I died. the doctor's said my heart collapsed but all along it broke until i couldn't help it anymore and i passed
it turns out the girl loved the man too but he was to scared to make a move while he was crying in the wedding she cried too just hopping and wishing he would do something they loved each other till death and yet their in heaven now without a worry in the wold to love from now to eternity.
Copyright ©
Poetking123
... [
2009-02-13 20:34:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: love till death
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crookedpoet09 on
Saturday, 14th February 2009 @ 07:17:51 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| You could've structured it better but apart from that it's good. |
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Re: love till death
(User Rating: 1 )
by ItsMeNow on
Wednesday, 18th February 2009 @ 01:19:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| The way this is written as a paragraph makes it really hard to follow. The timeline is confusing but aside from that it's not bad. |
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