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Rid
Contributed by
kiss4roq
on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:50:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
She looked down,
Down at the ground,
Down at the ground, with a spectacular frown
She stared at the child,
The child she bore,
The child she bore, laying flat on the floor
She cried wet tears,
Tears from her soul,
Tears from her soul, and her heart as a whole
She took the knife,
The knife from the drawer,
The knife from the drawer, went through what she wore
She fell with great spite,
Spite for her kid,
Spite for her kid, that she wished to get rid
She lay on the land,
The land of the dead,
The land of the dead, and the blood they did shed
Copyright ©
kiss4roq
... [
2009-01-13 17:50:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Rid
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:57:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow this kind of took me aback.
Very dark write.
Michelle |
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Re: Rid
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 08:38:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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the scheme of rhyme, almost like a childs' song, is in total contrast to the devastingly sad & dark ending.
this isn't a bad thing, it just paramounts the ending by unpreparing the reader. it catches one, not so much by
surprise for the wording rings true to intent, but off guard. . . as hip-hop music for a horror film might. the flow. . .
the flow leads one, subconsiously, to feel that somehow the end will turn. very effectively done. peace. elle |
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Re: Rid
(User Rating: 1 )
by apollo on
Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 11:19:23 PM AEST
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| this is really good because i can visualize what i am reading but its also a dark write so its very creepy thinking about that but nevertheless a good write. |
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