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It changed my outlook forever
Contributed by
lostrelic
on
Tuesday, 6th January 2009 @ 02:20:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Some aspects of life are so hard to understand, when we are looking for answers more questions keep popping up.
We strive to find understanding with the new motto question everything but somethings in life do not have answers.
What can we find in the unknown when we try to make light of it.
This is one little aspect of the day and the life of my existence, a certain question that i have never been able to answer.
why am i here
it was near the end of spring around 2002 i was just coming back on the street kinda giving up again in my own personal way.
i was sitting in a park full of strangers when one of them offered me a small piece of paper that you put on your tongue.
i sat back and closed my eyes waiting for the drug to cover my mind in a welcoming glow.
When i woke up a hour later things began to take on new shapes, i was looking at myself in a light i did not like.
my ego has gotten to big and the caring person i was had started to become a bitter angry man inside.
i started walking down the street while colors and sounds were dancing to the tune of the city i was in.
passing a mirror i saw myself the reflection i did not want to see.
fancy clothes a backpack to new to be homeless more a stranger then the street kid i use to be.
Trying to find the happiness of being nothing more then just a face in the crowd but understanding that past was gone.
i walked all night while my life was flashing past me, all connecting seeing the fact i never new, that i was not in control of my world.
like a computer program i was trained from birth to become something i still have no clue what it is.
i could not take the idea my life was not my own i just thought i had amazing luck but if that was the case i am one in a million.
near two in the morning sitting by the ocean i felt something get loosened from my mind.
like a part of me just walked out the door,i felt alone i felt small like a new born child with out parents to protect.
i sat there in fear wondering who i was and where i was going to go, i sat looking at all my materialistic short comings.
when the sun started to rise the fear in me was so strong i need to be near people i could not be left alone any more.
walking down the morning road many eyes were upon me i felt they were staring at the bag on my back
junkies following me in shaded corners thieves were everywhere i looked, i feel into pieces.
i walked to the main hangout for the lower of the low and gave everything i owned away
i gave the boots off my feet and picked up a pair of sandals a pair of shorts and a sweater and one small blanket.
now walking a little lighter the tears would not stop flowing from my eyes.
people gave me the strangest looks i felt like a 28 year old baby my blue eyes red from so many tears
and my heart holding such a heavy burden for humanity i cried for everyone seeing such violence in everyones eyes.
then out of the blue a strange woman walked up to me and said "son i think you should grab the 73 bus across the street".
words from someone i did not know but something in my heart told me to listen to her
so i walked across the street when the bus pulled up right when i got there (no room for second guessing)
i stepped on the bus and the bus driver gave me one look i saw a small tear in his eyes as he told me to just sit down
i still do not know how he new i had no money but thats the point of my story some questions have no answers.
i arrived at a ferry terminal one i had never been before, i stood in the center dazed looking around lost
when a older woman came up to me pushing a handicapped boy in a wheel chair,
she said his name was Michael and then she looked at me and said " i think this guy needs ferry money to get to salt spring island".
she handed me the money and told me to hurry up the ferry is leaving soon
i went and paid the clerk and walked threw the terminal being new i was again lost in the mazes of hallways.
when a worker came up to me and said if i needed any help i showed her the ticket my eyes still full of tears.
she took me quickly to the ferry i guess there was something wrong and the ferry was getting late on leaving the dock.
when i arrived something told me to sit on the dock where they dropped me off and wait for the morning.
when light came up i walked to the first store i saw and asked for a hot cup of water i was cold from the chill of the night.
the woman at the bar bought me breakfast and a hot coffee she took me aside and told me how she was not in love,
and that everyone needs to feel loved and welcomed in there life.
i said thank you and left her to here daily chore.
when i walked out of the coffee bar a woman with a guitar came up to me
"have we met before" she said to me while taking a look up and down.
i said no and she stated to me that she saw me in a dream and i need to go down town and look for a girl named Tomico
i left her and started walking down the road, it took me three hour to find the town when i saw a friendly face
just some stranger i felt would not steer me wrong and i asked him where can i find this girl?
he told me to look in the main park and when i went there i saw a woman who was glowing.
i sat beside her and introduced my self telling her why i have come.
she told me "you do not have to look very far i am the woman you are looking for" but what can i do for you?
i told her my fear of man and humanity and she held me and told me that the island you are on is a island of peace.
there is no anger here just love and she brought me to a place to camp.
her and three other people took care of me while i was in this simple minded state for 4 months.
it took a while for my mind to come back but when it did i was a changed man the anger had left me and the need
for materialistic things was again nothing of great concern.
i have been on that same island now for four years i have found love and have been married.
i am known threw out the island and treated with great care and love
my vision now stronger to do good and my love for you humanity has never been stronger
but the way we are killing ourselves is getting to much to bare.
i feel emotions from everyone and no one is happy anymore.
just a fake in a room of antiques.
this is one day in the life of me i hope the story makes sense to you as it has changed my life forever
Copyright ©
lostrelic
... [
2009-01-06 14:20:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: It changed my outlook forever
(User Rating: 1 ) by shelby on
Tuesday, 6th January 2009 @ 05:03:06 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I felt so much while reading this. Super work here.
It takes the reader through every step, very real.
Ending so solid and something I so relate to.
Hugs
Michelle |
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Re: It changed my outlook forever
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 7th January 2009 @ 01:44:12 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I like it very much, awesome......
Thank you
Cheers |
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