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Memories
Contributed by
Jayne49
on
Monday, 29th December 2008 @ 07:33:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Whispering breeze on bending road
advises me turn and run.
Yet I shuffle toward the house
I fled when I was young.
Tears stain my silken threads,
fingers are cold and numb.
A man, my friend, beside me strolls.
His presence is helping some.
Never back the ghost wind moans.
How I long to turn and flee.
Still I continue to confront the past
that held such misery.
Trembling lips mumble lowly,
just once and I’ll be free.
Pounding heart knows it a lie
for my prison is memories.
Copyright ©
Jayne49
... [
2008-12-29 19:33:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mars on
Tuesday, 30th December 2008 @ 10:18:20 AM AEST
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| Very deep, and with an interesting rhyme scheme. Often you convey the sence of a pause, as if you had inserted a comma, even though there is not actually one there. I often go ahead and use the punctuation. Anyway, good job =P. |
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Re: Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 30th December 2008 @ 12:25:46 PM AEST
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nice. it flowed very well.
-phil |
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Re: Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Tuesday, 30th December 2008 @ 01:04:34 PM AEST
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| a chilling description of the difficulty one has coming to terms with a painful past. . . you portray a strong sense of both fear & self-control in the face of personal discomfort/distress. the concept that your memories hold you captive is very strong indeed. great job delivering these emotions. peace. elle |
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Re: Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 30th December 2008 @ 10:24:19 PM AEST
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This is very well written.
It's sad but awesome.
It reminds me of a scene in the movie FORREST GUMP.
Huggs, blessings, healing,
emy |
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