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Eating Asphalt
Contributed by
inlovewithaladd
on
Monday, 15th December 2008 @ 07:37:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I recognize the moment but then
the moment is gone
and I hold no solutions
take no quarter and spare no change
heart breaking
the wrong name on my lips when we make love
this sickness fills me with a hot tar, rapidly cooling
the foulest thing you've ever tasted rising in
the back of my throat
eating asphalt
if it were to kill me my body would be only dust with
soul departed
alive far longer than one would have imagined
a full nineteen feeling forty three with this yoke on my back
and a sprain in my step
hobbling away from the wreck of you and I
still very much engulfed in the flames from the crash
and some how not yet bled completely dry
Copyright ©
inlovewithaladd
... [
2008-12-15 19:37:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Eating Asphalt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th December 2008 @ 10:45:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i loved the analogies you used in this one. very impressive.
-phil |
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Re: Eating Asphalt
(User Rating: 1 )
by FORDIE on
Wednesday, 17th December 2008 @ 02:43:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like that, you conveyed the emotion well. I would prefer more rhymes though, but that's just my personal preference. |
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Re: Eating Asphalt
(User Rating: 1 )
by enigma on
Monday, 22nd December 2008 @ 02:24:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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dri,
Were this just another poem and you just another poet, I'd say, "Ouch!" I'm afraid there is another four letter word that comes closer to embracing the pain. Been gone a while. Busy with my saving the world hobby! It's a safe hobby. You're spread so thin the world could disappear tomorrow and not be missed. But when you pour your Self into another...the whole of reality quakes when something goes wrong...
You are a poet. ****! Words are sawdust...will be thinking of you during the next couple of weeks...
blessings,
ron...enigma |
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