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Miserys
Contributed by
Mars
on
Tuesday, 9th December 2008 @ 09:49:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
-
You are not real, you are a fake,
some jumbled up condoned mistake.
A mystery, of my twisted mind,
without a trace, left so kind.
My thoughts a mess, my world at stake,
All I had, you soon would take.
Misery, from my deepest thoughts,
a mental mess of jumbled knots.
How, can I be rid of you?
Oh, for only if I knew.
For in err you've chosen me,
Now my time has come to be.
I see, something you don't know,
What your pains have chosen to show,
What has been held, deep inside you,
That you have tried, to shove aside, you,
You will pay for this mistake,
You can't be freed from that you hate.
But your the one, that has failed me,
all revealed, what we've done, we,
are the same person, in that respect,
Not a difference, to detect.
Copyright ©
Mars
... [
2008-12-09 21:49:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by snoopington on
Wednesday, 10th December 2008 @ 05:31:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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great write love the flow i write similar to this so really appreciate this type of work.....
well done........
all the best.........
m............. |
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by myheartsvoice on
Wednesday, 10th December 2008 @ 06:46:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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your writting entwines with it's self
like a murel of woven emotion, nice
style you have, most unique . . .
Ben . . . |
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by gmcse8 on
Thursday, 11th December 2008 @ 08:27:57 AM AEST
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| This was a good read. Not so simple that one becomes bored, but not so complicated that each word had a whole paragraph wrapped up in it that needed to be deciphered. It flowed. As a reader I found myself moving from line to line with ease. My favorite part for no discernable reason were the last two lines of the 2nd stanza. I went back and read those lines a couple of times. Actually I like the first two lines of the first stanza as well, but kept wondering why you did not use "Uncondoned Mistake". It is fine the way it is however, just was wondering. Since the first line is about a fake, I looked for that same theme in the second. I did enjoy the read though. Thanks for putting it up. |
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by Arcadia1 on
Saturday, 13th December 2008 @ 11:27:59 PM AEST
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The pain, the anger, the frustration.
I adore how you can express this,
....the way you do.
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 2nd February 2009 @ 12:51:07 AM AEST
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You can't be freed from that you hate.
Yeah, no doubt! Very, very profound. I really like the way you seem to dish it out in this one. |
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Re: Miserys
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 2nd February 2009 @ 12:51:08 AM AEST
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You can't be freed from that you hate.
Yeah, no doubt! Very, very profound. I really like the way you seem to dish it out in this one. |
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