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Droplets
Contributed by
jcvamp
on
Thursday, 27th November 2008 @ 03:02:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
I feel the droplets of the rain
They wash away the years of pain
Each drop soaks into my skin
Sinks in and cures me deep within
Echoed rings in puddles form
They dissipate and are reborn
Reflecting over rippled planes
Return my sense of self again
Walking across a moonlit shore
I contemplate what lies in store
I watch the moon’s orb ride the waves
Shattered, broken but still unscathed
The sun blooms in a coral sky
The tide withdraws and breathes a sigh
Rainbows form in sea foam spray
A promise of hope for a new day
The clouds that washed my soul are gone
Light returns and life goes on
But if my days grow cold again
I’ll feel the droplets of the rain.
Copyright ©
jcvamp
... [
2008-11-27 15:02:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Droplets
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Thursday, 27th November 2008 @ 03:18:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"Rainbows form in sea foam spray
A promise of hope for a new day"
I just loved these lines....perhaps cuz I am a beach bum....
Lovely write....
Jenni
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Re: Droplets
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Thursday, 27th November 2008 @ 11:12:28 PM AEST
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| I love this. It is so subtle. . . so inviting. peace. elle |
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Re: Droplets
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 28th November 2008 @ 02:01:15 AM AEST
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A very delicate and very flowing work you have here. The final two stanzas are damn poetic and thrilling to read and re-read. You rhyme scheme choice is the easiest one in most people's opinion but it is actually damn hard to pull it off without sounding too rhymy and even forced. You don't. If someone read the last words in most of these lines they would assume this is forced horrible rhyming, but what makes this poem so damn outstanding is what you say just before each rhymed word. I love you descriptions and metaphors! This is really a fine pieced of writing which hides in a first glance as a over-rhymed generic work. Wow, really and outstanding job!
I am not trying to sound over congratulatory but this really took me from almost closing it out to really being overwhelmed by the fine writing when one ACTUALLY reads it. By the way I also want to compliment the way you rhyme again (i love again in a rhyme in both sound the "in" sound and the "ain" sound.
One last thing I loved the title. A one word perfect poetic choice. I am going to be looking you up in the future!
IMPRESSIVE!
SCM |
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Re: Droplets
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 30th November 2008 @ 09:22:25 PM AEST
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This is very exquisite and moving. I love the metaphors and imagery. Great job!
Thanks for an enjoyable read.
Tim |
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