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If you be my queen I'll be your king

Contributed by Voice of the Silent on Tuesday, 11th November 2008 @ 06:39:30 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Little something I threw together I'll show it later to who's supposed to read it but first tell me what you think

I'll be your king
If you be my queen
in this eternal game of chess
We can forget the rest
I just need you
And after what we've been through
your all I need

You've got me in a stalemate
of love I think it's fate
that we met that night
And now as thing go long
for me time seems to be frozen in frost

But with you I'll never go through checkmate
I'll never know how it feels to have lost
because if you'll be my queen
I'll be your king
And my heart will sing

And that only the start
we'll go from here
You've still got my heart
because your my queen
in the eternal game of chess
that we call life

And it's our move
I wonder what do we do

Copyright © Voice of the Silent ... [ 2008-11-11 18:39:30]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: If you be my queen I'll be your king (User Rating: 1 )
by gmcse8 on Thursday, 11th December 2008 @ 08:58:31 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I enjoyed your poem. I try not to comment to much on what emotions cause someone to write what they do, but instead I like the structure and economy of words in a poem. There was much to like about this one. I did have a question or two however, if you don't mind sharing your reasons for how you put it together. I really liked the 1st and 3rd stanzas a lot, but found myself wondering, why did you not stop at the end of the fourth line in each of those stanzas. I read them over and over and kept stumbling after the fourth line in each stanza. The first four lines of each stanza seemed to be enough for me. I am not being critical, just telling you what I thought as a reader. I thought the last two lines of the poem appropriate and well thought out and ended the poem nicely. Enjoyable read.

Bob Jordan

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